True Tables Comic Strips - Page 5

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122 Results for True Tables

View 41 - 50 results for true tables comic strips. Discover the best "True Tables" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #death & dying, #could go wrong, #did go worng, #closer to death, #creepy

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Russell: This past week, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Dilbert: Look on the bright side: you're seven days closer to death. Man: Hey! That's true! Dilbert: It's creepy when that works.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #fire wally, #can't risk, #zeberpupin system, #only one, #program, #business

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Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #moving, #new offcie, #sounds weird, #real one, #save the attitude

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Wally says, "I can't help on your project this week because we're moving to a new office." Dilbert says, "It sounds weird because it's true." Wally says, "I like to throw in a real one every now and then." Wally says, "You might want to save that attitude for the next round."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags #high priorities, #standing, #coffee, #vendor comparison, #face front, #work ethic, #lazy, #suspicious, #annoyed

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The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #deny, #numbers, #manipulate, #decisions, #hurt, #typing at computer, #humming noise, #annoy, #go away, #angry face, #home, #sitting on couch

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Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #marketing department, #robust, #products, #confused, #clueless, #useful, #argue, #stupid, #etiquette & ethics, #waste time, #business

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Dilbert says, "The marketing department has asked us to make our products more robust." Dilbert says, "None of us knows what that means." Dilbert says, "So we can either cancel this meeting and go ask them?" Dilbert says, "Or we can pretend that arguing with each other about the true meaning of 'robust' is just as good." Dilbert says, "While that option is stupid, it would give us the illusion of doing something useful right now." Asok says, "Would it be ethical to ignore the long-term interests of stockholders just ot feel good about ourselves for a few minutes?" Dilbert says, "I think robust means it has lots of features." Wally says, "It means sturdy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #salesman, #lying, #annoyed, #reading, #caught

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Man says, "Your order will only cost about $20,000." Dilbert says, "No it won't." Dilbert says, "We both know you're intentionally underestimating the true cost to get the sale, you lying sack of spit." Man says, "You're not supposed to say that out loud." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I imagine a bear attacking you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #assignment, #describing, #happy, #ridiculous

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Ratbert you're my new VP of sales." Dogbert says, "Your job is to set impossible goals for the salespeople and punish them for failing." Ratbert says, "Yay! I always wanted to be a sadist!" Dogbert says, "Dreams do come true."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #therapist, #imagination, #prank, #lying down, #cruel, #psychology

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Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #chart, #appeased, #astonished, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"