Two Weeks Vaction Comic Strips - Page 5

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635 Results for Two Weeks Vaction

View 41 - 50 results for two weeks vaction comic strips. Discover the best "Two Weeks Vaction" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Gets Mandatory Training

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Alice Gets Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, office workers, punishment, threat

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Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte. Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training. Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail. Catbert: Six weeks!

Everyone Is Their Own Boss

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Everyone Is Their Own Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, decision, employees, company

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Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.

Complaining Versus Hiding

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Complaining Versus Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, complaining, employees, employment, jobs, managers & supervisors

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Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, customer, meeting, engineers, years, disasters, worry, data, centers, blockchain

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Dilbert: Can I go with you to the customer meeting? I'm worried you might promise something we can't deliver. The Boss: Don't be ridiculous! I've been having customer meetings without engineers for years. Dilbert: I know and they all turn into disasters. The Boss: You worry too much! Everything will be fine! Man: Can you replace our data centers with blockchain? The Boss: Give us two days.

Device Can Read Minds

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Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, device, read, thoughts, turn, computer, commands, theories, engineer, engineering, invention, nothing, broken

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Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Only Two Bad Choices

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 Only Two Bad Choices  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags choice, choosing

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Boss: We have only two choices, and both of them are bad. SO we'll do the only smart thing we can do in this situation. Dilbert: Choose the path that is least bad? Boss: I was going to say pick the path that hurts our enemies the most, but you're ruining it with your talking.

One Problem Becomes Two

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One Problem Becomes Two - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, complaint, belief, Opinion

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Dilbert: Today a dozen people got angry at me because they believed I was privately thinking the opposite of what I was saying. Why can't people just listen to my words?? Dogbert: Have you tried not being boring? Dilbert: Whenever I tell you I have one problem, I leave with two.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, productivity, progress, project, deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Two People Named Tina

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Two People Named Tina  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags nickname, name, insult, name-calling

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Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.

Do Not Implicate Boss

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Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, deadline, responsibility, accountability, medical

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Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.