Types Asterrisk Comic Strips - Page 5
73 Results for Types Asterrisk
View 41 - 50 results for types asterrisk comic strips. Discover the best "Types Asterrisk" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 22, 1997's comic on:
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Any employee who uses the Internet for non-business purposes will be fired." Catbert types, "And any employee who sits in a company chair while having a personal thought will be executed by security." Catbert smiles and thinks, "The great thing about senseless, sadistic policies is that they don't require a lot of explanation."
Share May 16, 1997's comic on:
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "New policy: all company documents MUST use the official company font . . ." Catbert purrs and thinks, "Let's see . . . What would be the most obscure and impractical font imaginable?" The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert tells an Elbonian, "I understand I can get the Elbonian font software from you." The man replies, "Yep. Unless you need consonants for some reason."
Share April 06, 1997's comic on:
The strip is titled, "Dogbert presents the life cycle of a business idea." The caption says, "The brain creates an idea." Asok, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Asok dreams about a woman. The caption says, "The mouth - operating independently of the brain - creates words." Asok says, "Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams." The caption says, "The words are written on large paper." Dilbert writes, "Let's form synergy," on an easel pad. He thinks, "Idiot." The caption says, "The large paper is delivered to a bitter secretary." Dilbert hands Carol the paper and says, "Please?" Carol growls. The caption says, "The secretary types it." Carol types, "Let's . . . form . . . protein . . . symphony reactionary . . . teens." She thinks, "Close enough." The caption says, "The typed notes are delivered to the staff." Someone hands Wally a copy of the notes. He points to the wastebasket and says, "Drop it in the 'to do basket.'" The caption says, "Repeat." Asok sits at his desk dreaming about a woman.
Share January 22, 1997's comic on:
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."
Share December 01, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands at his desk thinking, "My tail is twitching . . ." Catbert thinks, "That can only mean it's time to write some more evil policies." Catbert types, "To: all employees. Subject: new policy." Dilbert gets the e-mail message and reads, "Employees must wear shoes that are one size smaller than their feet." Alice reads, "This will reduce wear and tear on carpets by five percent." Catbert thinks, "This is my favorite part." He types, "We must do this to be competitive." A woman enters Catbert's office and says, "I'm a reporter for 'Evil HR Policies Weekly.' Do you have any success stories?" Catbert purrs. The caption says, "This is how industry practices are born." The journalist asks, "Has anyone complained about the 'Footsizing' program?" Catbert replies, "I haven't listened to a single complaint."
Share October 29, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on his desk chair and types, "To: All Employees. The smell of popcorn in the office is unprofessional . . ." Wally and Alice read the e-mail message and Alice says, "He's banning popcorn! First it was tobacco, then perfume, now this . . . There's only one pollutant left." Catbert types, ". . . This brings me to the unpleasant subject of Wally . . ."
Share October 21, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert types, "On the surface, you seem to make some good points about technology . . ." Dilbert types, "But your e-mail address reveals your newbie identity. You're probably a goat herder or a cartoonist." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert asks, "How does it feel to be an elitist technology bigot?" Dilbert says, "I prefer to think of myself as a technology 'have.'"
Share September 20, 1996's comic on:
Tina the Tech Writer sits at her desk and writes, "To insert a column, click the column insert menu." Tina types, "But let's be honest, userboy, if you need to be told THAT, you're too stupid to use this product." Tina asks Dilbert, "Have you reviewed the draft yet?" Dilbert replies, "I'm up to the chapter titled 'Duh.'"
Share September 08, 1996's comic on:
The Boss says to Tina the Tech Writer, "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure." Tina sits at her desk and thinks, "Minor? Uh-oh . . ." The Boss continues, "We've discovered that our product causes hallucinations and sterility." The Boss continues, "See if you can put a positive spin on that." Tina thinks, "This will be my greatest writing challenge yet." Tina types, "Are you tired of the same old sights? We've got you covered." Tina types, ". . . Makes a great gift for those people who - in your opinion - should not reproduce." Tina thinks, "Ooh . . . I feel a tiny pang of conscience. That's one." Dilbert asks, "So the brochure was only a three-panger?" Tina replies, "Yeah, and I think I faked the third one."
Share August 05, 1996's comic on:
Tina types, "Tom, you delicious hunk of burning love: if you were in my cubicle now I'd . . ." Tina thinks, "It looks as if I'm working. Nobody can tell that I'm sending steamy e-mail to my new boyfriend." Dilbert says to Tina, "Tina, two things: watch out for the 'send to all' address, and thank you very much." Dilbert's tie and his hair stand up straight.