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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #accounting irregularities, #five year plan, #five years ago, #investigated, #prophetic, #5 year assessment

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I found or five-year plan from five years ago." The Boss continues, "The last page says, "At the end of the fifth year, the entire management team will be..." The Boss continues to read, "... investigated for accounting irregularities." Wally looks at the secret service agent who has just entered and says, "Spooky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #integrate, #inventroy, #finance systems, #nitiwt, #ogre, #fired, #thirty years

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #product launch party, #day and night, #working, #five years, #mime impression, #party, #add much

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A coworker approaches and says, "Can you come to the product-launch party next week?" Dilbert responds, "No. I'll be working day and night for five years to build the product you think you're launching." The coworker says, "Something tells me you don't add much to a party." Dilbert responds, "You haven't seen my mime impression."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #reporter, #dump garbage inparks, #20 years, #spreading, #secret

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Carol approaches The Boss and says, "A reporter wants to see you." Carol continues, "He claims we've been delivering all of our garbage to the local park for twenty years." Carol asks, "How is that even possible?" The Boss replies, "The secret is in the spreading."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #are years ago, #this year, #futire, #free soft drinks, #free coffee, #bottled water

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Headline: A Few Years Ago. Catbert says, "The company will no longer provide free soft drinks." Headline: This Year. Catberrt says, "No more free coffee, and no more free bottled water." Headline: In the Future. Catbert is in a space suit. He says, "Don't swallow your saliva."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #30 years, #award for five years, #sick day

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The Boss: Now Id like to recognize walter for his five years of work for this company. walter: Thanks, but I've been here for thirty years ....Oh, I get it now. I feel a sick day coming on.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #assistant for five years, #questions boss, #leadership, #frustrated, #bugging, #wax ears

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Carol: Something's been bugging me. Carol: Ive been an executive assistant for five years. when do I get promoted to executive? Ive got leadership coming out of my ears! The boss: Thats wax.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #practical vehicle, #environement, #40 tons, #owls for fuel

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SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2006's comic on:


Tags #vp of marketing, #17 years, #lowering margins, #overseeing campaigns

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Bob will be leaving us after 17 years as vice president of marketing. "Bob's accomplishments include lowering both our margins and our sales while overseeing a series of confusing marketing campaigns." "I hope you'll all join me in wishing for a piano to fall on his head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bikini pics, #dismissal, #technically, #magnetic media, #zeros and ones, #auditors, #40 gigs of pics

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Catbert, the Evil H.R. director says to Wally, "Wally, our auditors found 40 gigabits of bikini pictures on your PC." Wally is thinking the same thing. Catbert says to Wally, "That is grounds for dismissal. How do you plead?" Wally thinks to himself, "Innocent. Technically, they didn't find any pictures." Wally says to Catbert, "What they found were zeroes and ones resting harmlessly on magnetic media." Wally continues, "It was the auditors themselves who activated thoe harmless bits to form pictures on the screen." Wally says to Catbert, "I demand that those godless auditors be fired!" Wally also says, "And if it's not too much trouble, I'd like my zeroes and ones back." After Wally's meeting with Catbert, Dilberts asks Wally "Was justice served?" Wally responds, "It's a gray area."