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Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert says to Wally, "Our lives are pathetic. We do nothing but eat, work, and sleep." Dilbert continues, "Eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep." Wally responds, "Great - I just finished lunch and you're making me hungry!"
Asok is sitting at his desk, noticeably still in pain. The Boss says, "The cure for carpal tunnel is to eat six bananas a day." The Boss shakes his hand and continues, "That's what I do and I have the hands of a teenager." Asok turns around and replies, "Do you have any data to support your medical advice?" The Boss responds, "Does a huge pimple count?"
Dilbert and Dogbert are eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should become a teacher so I can educate the leaders of tomorrow." Dogbert responds, "Maybe you should educate the morons of tomorrow so they'll stop believing the leaders of tomorrow." Dilbert replies, "Maybe I'll just eat this donut and go to work." Dogbert asks, "Do you have more dreams I can crush?"
Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day." Dogbert continues, "But if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat." Dogbert continues, "And if you talk about fish to a starving man then you're a consultant."
Catbert enters Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, employees are not allowed to eat in cubicles." Alice stuffs the food in her mouth, "Chomp chomp chomp" Catbert exclaims, "I'm going to see that every time I close my eyes!" Alice responds, "You started it."
Dilbert is meeting with two managers, an ogre and a nitwit. Dilbert says, "Our project team is composed of a nitwit, an ogre, and a #$&%!" The nitwit asks, "Which one of them is a nitwit?" The ogre raises his hand and says, "You didn't bring donuts. May I eat the nitwit?" Dilbert responds, "Yes." The nitwit says, "Poor guy."
Wally is sleeping on his keyboard. His computer makes noises, "Click Click Send." Headline: Marketing. An employee in the marketing department says to his coworker, "Someone named Wally is telling us to launch the new product." The employee continues, "Or it might say to eat lunch with a penguin. It has a few typos." The coworker replies, "I already ate, so let's do the other thing."
Dilbert: "Where do you want to eat?" Alice: "Anyplace." Suddenly, Mike, the vegan pounced. "Do you mind if I join you?" Soon, hunger started to set in. "No, I can't eat at any of those fifty choices. What else do you have?"
"Are you going to lunch?" "Lunch already?" "Sheesh! I barely had time to come late to work, eat breakfast, use the plumbing and read the paper." "You take your non-work seriously." "I'm trying to develop a sense of non-urgency."
The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"