Anti Social Comic Strips - Page 5

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224 Results for Anti Social

View 41 - 50 results for anti-social comic strips. Discover the best "Anti Social" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #date, #guys, #unemployed, #new, #job, #social, #security, #Number, #social security number, #interest, #there

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A woman at a desk tells Dilbert, "Sorry, I don't date guys from work." Dilbert says, "I'll resign . . ." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date unemployed guys." Dilbert says, "I . . . I'll get a new job . . . One you approve of." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date guys with your social security number." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "So, it turns out her unlucky number has nine digits in it . . ." Dilbert says, "But she knew my social security number, so I think there's some interest there . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money

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Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new smoking habit, #teeth turned yellow, #social outcast, #going broke, #house burned down, #going to quit, #long term view

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Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #direct flight, #aisle seat, #upgrade, #first class, #overhead bin, #north korea, #non smoking, #anti aircraft fire

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #anti work, #unit of work, #generated unnecessary work

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Wally says, "This week I did equal amounts of work and anti-work." Wally continues, "For every unit of work I did, I generated an equal amount of unnecessary work for co-workers. I figure I broke even." The Boss says, "Wally, come see me after the staff meeting." Wally replies, "Oh, great. You're driving me into negative territory."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #profits down, #morale down, #anti management cartoons, #hang cubicle walls, #mission statement

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The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "Profits are down. Morale is low. What is the root problem?" The Boss thinks, "It's got to be those anti-management cartoons the employees hang on their cubicle walls!" The Boss looks at the comic strips hanging on Wally's cubicle. The Boss says, "And they aren't even funny." Wally points to a strip and says, "This one has our mission statement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banning cartoons, #anti management, #hurt morale, #banning humor, #raise morale, #not funny

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The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm banning the posting of anti-management cartoons in the office. They hurt morale." Dilbert asks, "You're banning humor to raise morale?" The Boss asks, "Is there something wrong with that?" Dilbert shows the Boss a newspaper and says, "It's the subject of today's cartoon." The Boss asks, "And you see how it's not funny?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #four hour meeting, #surrogate social life, #bring chips, #wish, #had a spine

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Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #look, #car, #most, #important, #anti-lock, #breaks, #reinforced, #summer, #automatic, #passenger, #side, #air, #bag

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Dogbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Dilbert says, "Dogbert, come look at our new car!" They stand next to an automobile. Dilbert says, "It has all of the most important safety features." Dilbert continues, "You got your anti-lock brakes, your reinforced bumpers, your automatic seatbelts and your driver-side air bag." Dogbert says, "I didn't hear 'passenger side air bag' in that list." Dilbert says, "It turns out that it's only economical to save the person who makes the buying decision." Dilbert says, "But I got a baby seat in case you want to use that." Dogbert says angrily, "Well, thank you for letting me choose between humiliation and death. I've got a better idea." Dogbert drives the car and Dilbert sits in the passenger seat. Dilbert says, "Ooh . . . Just wait until MY turn." Dogbert says, "Watch me ram that car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr directorm not enjoying job, #powerful anti depressant, #prescribe drugs, #illegal

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Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Alice says to Catbert, "I'm not enjoying my job." Catbert hands Alice a bottle of pills and says, "Take this powerful anti- depressant drug for the rest of your life." Alice responds, "I didn't know H.R. could prescribe drugs." Catbert says, "I'd hate to live in a world where that was illegal." Alice reads the bottle aloud, "Boss-proof cap."