Any Rumors False Comic Strips - Page 5

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954 Results for Any Rumors False

View 41 - 50 results for any rumors false comic strips. Discover the best "Any Rumors False" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pre meeting, #problems, #fix them, #budgets, #deadlines, #technical stuff, #any questions, #feel nauseated, #great job, #compliments

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Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #close friends, #facebook, #fix problem, #friends, #liked, #posts, #seven friends, #therapy, #shrink, #popularity, #social media, #technology, #psychology

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Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #stress, #culture of consulting fiorms, #flat linig, #false larm, #graphs

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Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #any penalty, #big trouble, #idiotic plan, #imperfect plan, #leading by example, #perfect plan

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Its better to execute an imperfect plan today than a perfect plan next week. Yay! we're free from any penalty if we do thing wrong. um, no nothing like that. You're still in big trouble if you do anything wrong. and Im also in big trouble if I take linger to do things right? Yes. Okay , get it, Your plan is idiotic, but we should do it anyway and hot wait for you to s ay something smarter. you're leading by example nicely done. what other dumb things should we do right away?

Tina Spreads Rumors About Dilbert

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Tina Spreads Rumors About Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor mill, #rumors, #freak accident, #naked, #vacuuming, #spread rumors, #coffee machine, #gossip, #office, #self preservation

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Tina: I heard you had a freak accident while vacuuming your house naked. Dilbert: That's a rumor. I don't know how that stuff spreads. Tina: Now I feel a little bad that I told thirty people.

False Sense Of Urgency

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False Sense Of Urgency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guest artist, #managers, #motivation, #personality disorder, #sociopath, #strategy, #john glynn

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Boss: I don't think I'm doing enough to create a false sense of urgency. Catbert: Are you still a sociopath? Boss: That's the easy part. Catbert: Now add a meaningless deadline and some fear.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

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Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Building Codes

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Building Codes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #lab, #construction, #building, #codes, #stringent, #guarantee, #rain, #mayor, #campaign, #sarcasm, #face mask, #false, #hope, #phase

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boss: how's the new lab construction going? dilbert: i'm having some issues with the local building codes. they seem unnecessarily stringent. for example, we have to guarantee no rain touches the roof. boss: why? dilbert: no on knows. but if we donate to the mayor's campaign, the city will designate the roof a "horizontal wall." boss: and then we can begin construction? dilbert: no, that's just the beginnning of the false hope phrase.

They Said You'd Say That

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They Said You'd Say That - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #government, #bald, #people, #camps, #internment camp, #believe, #false

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tina: i saw on the news that the government plans to round up all bald people and out them in camps. wally: you should be embarrassed for believing a story so obviously false. tina: they said you'd say that.

Still Get Paid

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Still Get Paid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm

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tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.