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The boss says, to Alice "My atrologer told me to approve your project plan as is." Alice says, "What?! That's the right decision. What's going on here?" Alice says, to Dilbert over the cubicle wall, "My theory is that his ignorance clouded his poor judgement."
Asok stands with a box behind Wally who sits at his computer. Asok says, "Wally, what is the quickest way to send this old binders to the landfill?" Wally says, "I usually use "Fedex". Charge it to marketing; they never look at their expense reports" Asok walks away and thinks, "here's one more thing I can never tell anyone about my job."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert types, "To reduce airline travel expenses..." Dilbert reads, "Sprint across the runway and cling to plane during takeoff." Catbert thinks, "That will weed out the dumb ones."
Dilbert says to The Boss, "I need your approval for this expense. The equipment is already here and installed." Dilbert continues, "I left out the description because you wouldn't understand it anyway." The Boss says to Catbert, "There's a fine line between managing and being totally useless." Catbert responds, "Luckily it looks the same."
Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."
Catbert and The Boss are meeting. Catbert says, "Let's offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." Catbert continues, "Then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're over-staffed." Catbert hugs himself and says, "Excuse me while I hug myself and purr." The Boss replies, "Take your time."
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."
The Boss: "I e-mailed you the expense breakdown. I need you to fix the format and send it out." Carol: "I will now read your mind to get the unspoken, ever-shifting preferences for the format." "I see nothing emptiness... the abyss..." The boss: "Add a chart."
The Boss says, "I never have enough information to make an informed decision." The Boss says, "But that's okay because I'm a good judge of people." Dilbert says, "Can you approve this?" The Boss thinks, "Baby puncher."