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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2000's comic on:


Tags #avoid work, #faking coma, #punch repeatedly, #get alice, #right or left handed

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Wally waves his hand in front of The Boss' blankly staring eyes and says to Dilbert, "He might be faking a coma to avoid work." Wally says to Dilbert, "The only way to find out is to punch him repeatedly." Dilbert says, "Maybe we should get Alice." Wally, bunching his fists, asks, "Do you remember if I'm right- or left-handed?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1998's comic on:


Tags #improve communications, #two pennies, #give two cents worth, #cute, #avoid seeing boss, #pretend dead, #nickel

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The Boss enters Alice's cubicle and says, "In order to improve communications..." Alice says, "Please don't." The Boss says, "Every morning I'll give you two pennies." The Boss holds out the change and says, "Every afternoon, you return them and 'give me your two cents' worth.'" The Boss stares at Alice and says, "Get it? It's cute." Alice asks, "So I get to keep the money if I avoid seeing you?" The Boss stands and holds his hands together. Alice continues, "How much will you pay me to avoid your voice mail too?" Alice leans over the wall of the cubicle and calls after the Boss, "I'll pretend you're dead for a nickel." The Boss says, "I hate them all."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #motivation fairy, #work hard, #gain respect, #peers, #avoid stress, #out live peers, #hard work

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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: Hovering in the air near Wally, the Fairy says, "If you work hard, you will gain the respect of your peers." Wally says to the hovering Motivation Fairy, "If I avoid the stress of hard work, I will out-live my peers." The Fairy asks, "Hard work can kill me?" Wally answers, "If you're lucky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2001's comic on:


Tags #water, #avoid work, #glug, #Wally, #drinks water

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Dilbert looks as Wally who is holding an enormous bottle of water. Wally says, "I use my huge bottle of water to avoid work." Wally drinks from his huge bottle of water to the sound of, "Glug glug glug glug glug glug glug," and Dilbert watches. Wally continues drinking, to the sound of, "Glug glug glug glug," as Dilbert looks at his watch to time him. The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, would you... um... Wally? Uh... Wally..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #all night, #comp day, #security video, #pile of debris, #cucbicle, #conversation, #jumping all over

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally enters and says, "I was here all night. Is it okay if I take tomorrow as a comp day?" The Boss replies, "According to our security video, you slept all night on a pile of debris in your cubicle." Wally replies, "Is it just me or is this conversation jumping all over the place?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #circuit design, #mention, #didnt, #psychic, #conversation

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Dilbert is eating lunch with a female coworker. The coworker says, "Then I noticed that the circuit design looked like a bug. I was going to mention it but then I didn't." Dilbert exclaims, "I'm psychic!" Dilbert continues, "Unless you're saying out loud every thought that crosses your mind." The coworker gives the thumbs up and says, "It's called conversation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2002's comic on:


Tags #avoid finsihing, #surplus employees, #wrong about knowing

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Business is way down. You know what you need to do." Wally responds, "Avoid finishing anything so we never appear to be surplus employees?" Wally continues, "Maybe this would be a good time to admit that you were wrong about us knowing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #sitting in, #boss, #walk around, #avoid decisons, #grossly underpaid, #did before, #more money

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches. Dilbert asks, "How do you like sitting in for The Boss?" Wally responds, "It's easy." Wally continues, "All I do is walk around and make people loathe me while I avoid making decisions." Dilbert says, "That's all you ever did before." Wally replies, "Apparently, I was grossly underpaid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dilberts moother, #making conversation, #massively incompetent, #ashamed, #dilmom

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Dilbert and his mom are watching television. Dilbert says, "Mom, here's our new commercial." Dilbert's mom replies, "It gives no information about your products. Are you ashamed or just massively incompetent?" Dilbert asks, "Why can't we be both?" Dilbert's mom responds, "I was just making conversation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #make changes, #skills database, #know as guy, #avoid work, #too much work

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Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."