Bad Things Comic Strips - Page 5
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1000 Results for Bad Things
View 41 - 50 results for bad things comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 18,
2011
Tags #declare failure, #explaining things, #frustration, #incompetence, #office workers, #partial victory, #platform upgarde, #teds brain, #trapped
Transcript
Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday December 21,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #wealth, #ceo, #good job, #50 million dollar bonus, #not motivated, #bad genes, #inequality, #dosaprity, #ceo and worker, #unfair wages, #crazy money, #slave wages, #more work, #no rewards, #money
Transcript
Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.
Thursday January 05,
2012
Tags #smart people, #bad deciosns, #hubris, #prime candidate
Transcript
Boss: I've read that smart people make bad decisions because of their hubris. Catbert: Hubris? What is that? Boss: Beats me. But obviously I'm a prime candidate to get it.
Sunday January 29,
2012
Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #vendor, #hardware, #field, #pony, #ask alice, #winners, #bad connection
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.
Monday January 30,
2012
Tags #complaining, #conversation, #ask ed, #dumb guy, #liar, #bad breath, #braggaty, #large pores, #combover, #describe me, #behind my back, #insecure guy, #steers conversation
Transcript
Alice: You should ask Ed about this. Carol: Is Ed the dumb guy who talks too much or the liar with the bad breath? Alice: He's the braggart with large pores and a combover. Dilbert: Wow. How do you describe me behind my back? Carol: You're the insecure guy who steers the conversation to himself.
Sunday February 26,
2012
Tags #secretary, #busy day, #phone rings, #lunch, #meetings, #bad timing
Transcript
Alice: Don't talk to me now, Im trying to think. ONE HOUR LATER Alice: Im on the phone. TWO HOURS LATER Alice: Im late for a meeting. THREE HOURS LATER Alice: Come back when Im not busy. FOUR HOURS LATER ALICE: Please. Im trying to eat my lunch. FIVE HOURS LATER Alice: Okay. this is a perfect time, what can I do for you? Dilbert: Okay, so.... ring Alice: I think your problem is bad timing.
Thursday March 15,
2012
Tags #viruses, #piranha flu, #sneezes, #bad allergies
Transcript
Carol: I've got a wicked case of piranha flu. Ted: I've never heard of... Carol: Ahchooo!!! I should probably tell people I just have bad allergies.
Saturday March 17,
2012
Tags #civil liberties, #internet & world wide web, #internet law, #bad for business, #press relase, #impinge, #freedom of speech, #selfish liars
Transcript
Boss: Our company opposes passage of the new internet law because it would be bad for our business. But that sounds selfish, so we'll issue a press release saying the new law would impinge freedom of speech. Alice: So... we're selfish liars? Boss: You can't get more free than that!
Wednesday April 18,
2012
Tags #editors, #document, #bad edits, #wrong religion, #fool
Transcript
Coworker: I made some edits to your document. Dilbert: These edits are so bad that my only choices are to send it out and make a fool of myself or insult your alleged intelligence. Coworker: Please let it be the first choice. Dilbert: I hope you didn't pick the wrong religion too.
Saturday May 05,
2012
Tags #conversation, #bad habit, #misinterpreting, #bad mouthing, #too paranoid, #sounds crazy
Transcript
Co-worker 1: So, Dilbert, what else are you working on lately? Dilbert: I'd rather not say because you have a habit of misinterpreting everything you hear and then bad-mouthing it later. Co-worker 1: He basically said he's too paranoid to talk to people. Co-worker 2: He sounds crazy.