Billion Percent Comic Strips - Page 5

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173 Results for Billion Percent

View 41 - 50 results for billion percent comic strips. Discover the best "Billion Percent" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion shares, #dot com subsidary, #fire everyone, #presdient, #raise, #stock, #promoting

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm promoting you to president of our dot-com subsidiary." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Your job is to fire everyone." Dilbert asks, "Would I get a raise?" The Boss answers, "How does a billion shares of stock sound?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #look like losers, #give numbers, #internal subterfuge, #eighty percent, #vp

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There are several papers on a table. The Boss says to Dilbert, "We can't show these numbers to our VP. They make us look like losers." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Find something we're doing well and give him those numbers instead." Dilbert, wearing dark glasses and a false moustache, looks on as the VP reads the report and says, "Wow! Our internal subterfuge is up eighty percent!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thirty million dollars, #nigerina, #banker, #bank information, #email, #ten percent commission, #tube sock, #fell behind dryer, #ratbert, #typing, #computer, #answering scam, #technology

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Ratbert approaches Dogbrt holding a letter. Ratbert says, "A Nigerian banker needs my help getting thirty million dollars out of his country!" Ratbert continues, "All I need to do is give him my bank information by e-mail and I'll get a ten percent commission." Ratbert is seen typing: "Dear Gustava, my bank is a tube sock that fell behind the dryer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hard work, #nights, #weekends, #demand 10 percent

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Alice is sitting at her computer. She looks thoroughly disheveled. The Boss says to her, "Alice, all of your hard work - the nights and the weekends - are finally paying off." The Boss continues, "We increased our five-year forecast of demand by ten percent!" Alice responds, "You changed a wild guess by ten percent?" The Boss replies, "Thanks to you!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollars, #lose bid, #winning less work, #cost estimates

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Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar idea, #sweet mother, #owns your ideas, #fire you, #then sue you, #always hardest

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Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "Sweet mother of potatoes! I just thought of a billion-dollar idea!!" The Boss responds, "The company owns all of your ideas. Cough it up or I'll fire you and then sue you." Asok and Alice are walking together. Asok cries, "Waaa!" Alice says, "Your first billion-dollar idea is always the hardest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar product line, #designed and launched, #meets expectations, #high expectations, #worng

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"Alice, this year you single-handedly designed and launched a billion dollar line of new products." "For that accomplishment, I give you the highly coveted 'meets expectations' designation!" "Alice, if having high expectations of you is wrong, then I don't want to be right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workplace injuries, #10 thousand percent, #new safety manuals, #website, #blood pressure rising, #technology

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Wally: "Workplace injuries are up ten thousand percent since I distributed the new safety manuals." "The binders have sharp edges and, apparently, a curse. I asked Asok to help put it on our website." Asok: "Hands... So numb. Eyes... Strained. Blood pressure rising..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #projects budget, #ten percent, #no thinking, #picke dnumber, #cutting hours worked, #36 hours, #affect result

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The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buy advertsising, #gullible world, #2 billion readers, #three readers

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Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."