Blame Later Comic Strips - Page 5

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325 Results for Blame Later

View 41 - 50 results for blame later comic strips. Discover the best "Blame Later" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #the master, #overworked, #carefree, #powerful secret, #volunteer, #many tasks, #complaints later, #gandhi that eats, #dont recall, #agree

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Wally is asleep in his cubicle. Asok enters and says, "Wally, I need advice from the master." Wally wakes up and says, "Huh?" Asok says, "How do you remain so carefree while everyone else seems so overworked?" Wally replies, "Asok, you are ready to learn my most powerful secret." Wally continues, "Always volunteer to do lots of tasks. That will make you appear very busy." Wally continues, "Later, when someone complains that you didn't do a task..." Wally continues, "Say you remember discussing the topic but you don't recall agreeing to do anything." Wally continues, "Offer a glimmer of hope that you might yet do the task if no one yells at you... Then repeat." Asok replies, "Wow." Asok walks away and thinks, "He's like a Gandhi that eats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #birthday, #mothers birthday, #warp up present, #an hour later, #throwing towel, #element of suprise, #no waste paper, #cookies

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In the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "I've been thinking about your birthday, Mom." His mother says, "How sweet." Dilbert says to his mother, "It seems so inefficient to wrap up your present." As they carry milk and cookies out of the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "You'll just rip up the wrapping paper an hour later." As his mother sets the cookies down, Dilbert says to her, "So I was thinking of throwing a towel over it instead." Dilbert says to his mother, "You'd get all of the element of surprise without wasting paper." Dilbert says to his mother, "Maybe I can use one of your towels so I don't have to lug one from my house." Dilbert's mom says, "Of course, dear. I wouldn't want you to lug a big heavy towel just for me." Dilbert reaches for a cookie and says, "Good. It's settled." His mother says to him, "Those aren't for you."

All Options Lead To Doom

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All Options Lead To Doom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #failure, #blame, #responsibility, #scapegoat

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Dilbert: All of our options lead to doom. The only thing we can control is who we blame. Boss: That sounds about right. Except for the "we" part.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

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Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Blame Rolls Downhill

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Blame Rolls Downhill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #blame, #responsibility, #management

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Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #failure, #blame, #executives, #scapegoat

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Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #prognosticate, #prediction, #projection, #budget, #blame

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Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Unforseen Risks

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Unforseen Risks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #blame, #boss, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #risks

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Boss: How can you be sure there are no unforeseen risks with this plan? Dilbert: It is not possible to know if one has considered every risk. Therefore, we can never be sure. Boss: So...I can still blame you for any problems that pop up? Dilbert: Yes, that part of the process is still intact.

Platinum Level Service

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Platinum Level Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #forecasting, #future, #predict, #industry, #blame, #sell, #upsell, #platinum

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boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.

Extra Dogbert Clone

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Extra Dogbert Clone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #marketing, #genius, #problem, #company, #situation, #clone, #blame

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the marketing genius dogbert: my genius alone will not be enough to fix the problems at this company. this looks like a five-dogbert situation. that is why i arranged to clone myself five times. boss: what's the extra clone for? dogbert: that one takes the blame.