Both Dead Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

364 Results for Both Dead

View 41 - 50 results for both dead comic strips. Discover the best "Both Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management book, #obvious advice, #quotes from dead people, #ganghi, #assert cart, #Dogbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands with a coffee cup behind Dogbert who wags his tail and types at his computer. Dilbert says, "What's your new management book about?" Dogbert types and says, "It's a bunch of obvious advice packaged with quotes from famous dead people." Dilbert says, "Did Gandhi really say "Get that #!% dessert cart off my foot!"?" Dogbert says, "He might have."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ten billion dollars, #no decorations, #walls, #cubicle, #important today, #we both, #money for company

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #volume calls, #dead, #beaten down, #inhumane, #punish, #being cheerful

View Transcript

Transcript

Designing a Call Center Dilbert: If the employees get the svolume of calls per day they will wish they were dead. Dilbert But they won't be dead, just too beaten down to look for better jobs. Dilbert: I dont know how to make it any more inhumane. The Boss: we can punish them for not being cheerful.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demo of new prodcut, #ceo, #partner is channeling, #angry energy, #thousand dead souls, #more like that

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss tells Dilbert and Paul Tergeist: "Put together a demo of our new product. Our CEO wants to see it." Dilbert says to the Boss: "My partner is channeling the angry energy of a thousand dead souls." The boss replies: "Why can't you be more like that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #know first aid, #marketing, #picked intern, #engineering dead pool, #team building pot luck, #lunch, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok the Intern is lying on the floor with his legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "I'll see if the guys in marketing know First Aid." Ted says to Dilbert, "Really? I picked that intern in our engineering dead pool!" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice as Asok continues lying on the floor, "Apparently our team-building potluck lunch didn't take."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improve communications, #two pennies, #give two cents worth, #cute, #avoid seeing boss, #pretend dead, #nickel

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss enters Alice's cubicle and says, "In order to improve communications..." Alice says, "Please don't." The Boss says, "Every morning I'll give you two pennies." The Boss holds out the change and says, "Every afternoon, you return them and 'give me your two cents' worth.'" The Boss stares at Alice and says, "Get it? It's cute." Alice asks, "So I get to keep the money if I avoid seeing you?" The Boss stands and holds his hands together. Alice continues, "How much will you pay me to avoid your voice mail too?" Alice leans over the wall of the cubicle and calls after the Boss, "I'll pretend you're dead for a nickel." The Boss says, "I hate them all."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discount brokerage, #estate plan, #pass away, #stay dead, #zombie, #bad gifts

View Transcript

Transcript

DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: A man on a cell phone says, "I need an estate plan for after I pass away." Dogbert, in his office and wearing a headset, says to the man, "Here's a plan: Stay dead. No one likes a zombie." The man on the cell phone asks, "What about gifts?" Dogbert's reply is, "Zombies make bad gifts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #impersonate dead customer, #large purchases, #work, #acting

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands a black briefcase to Wally. He says, "You'll impersonate our dead customer and make large purchases from us." Wally looks down at the briefcase and says, "I've never done anything like this before." The Boss replies, "It's called 'work.'" Wally walks away, continuing to hold the briefcase. He asks, "Am I doing it right?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally in jail, #impersonating, #dead person, #street smarts, #survive, #temporary tattoos, #gift shop

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice enters Dilbert's cubicle and announces, "Wally's in jail for impersonating a dead person." Alice, sipping her coffee, continues, "He'll have to use all of his street smarts to survive." Wally is seen in jail sitting next to a large man with tattoos, lifting weights. Wally grips his briefcase to himself and says, "I'll need some temporary tattoos. Which way is the gift shop?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market expert, #core holding, #dead cat bounce, #secret economic model, #book sales, #financial markets

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."