Brush Hand Comic Strips - Page 5
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Character
326 Results for Brush Hand
View 41 - 50 results for brush hand comic strips. Discover the best "Brush Hand" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 11,
2008
Tags #salary, #above midpoint, #sock, #hand, #paycheck, #demonstration, #money
Transcript
The Boss says, "Your salary is already above the midpoint for your pay range." The Boss says, "Excuse me while I remove a sock to explain what will happen to your pay going forward." The Boss says, "Let's say the sock is inflation and my hand is your paycheck."
Wednesday July 23,
2008
Tags #good hand, #back rub, #sling, #injured, #make me happy, #elbows
Transcript
A woman says, "Maybe later you can give me a back rub with your good hand." Dilbert says, "I don't have a good hand. But one of my elbows doesn't hurt too much." The woman says, "I feel like you're not even trying to make me happy."
Saturday September 04,
2010
Tags #new product, #defective, #kill, #recall, #fix, #overalls, #bleach, #scrubby brush, #shake hands
Transcript
The Boss says, "I have a new job for you. Our product is defective and it's killing customers." Dilbert says, "You want me to organize a recall?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Engineer a fix?" The Boss says, "No." The Boss says, "You'll need overalls, several barrels of bleach and some sort of scrubby brush."
Sunday March 16,
2008
Tags #archaic sayings, #bite the hand, #cost of measuring, #direct deposit, #measuring incorrectly, #rock carving, #software development, #web design, #wise sayings
Transcript
The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."
Sunday July 27,
2008
Tags #hold hand, #project, #work independently, #trap, #failure or insubordination, #hidden camera shows, #joke on me
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."
Sunday January 16,
2005
Tags #certified massage therapist, #clicking, #every week, #few minutes, #lengthy questionarie, #one hand, #pen pal, #used pen
Transcript
Certified Massage Therapist "Fill out this lengthy medical questionnaire." "That'll save me a few minutes of touching him." "I wonder if he'd know if I only used one hand." "Actually, how would he even know if it's a hand?" "Maybe I have an object here that feels like a hand." "This ballpoint pen will work." "I'm finding some tension here. Okay, it's gone now." "She says I should come back every week until my muscles stop clicking." "Sounds like you found a pen pal."
Saturday May 18,
2013
Tags #annoyance, #coaching, #hand off colon, #managers & supervisors, #mentoring, #micromanging, #obliviousness, #puppet, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Please stop micromanaging me. Boss: What? I thought I was coaching and mentoring. Do you want some coaching and mentoring? Carol: I'm not a puppet. Keep your hand out of my colon.
Monday April 20,
2020
No Handshaking
Tags #business, #filthy, #hand, #invisible, #office workers, #see, #shake, #virus
Transcript
dilbert: sorry, i no longer shake hands. i can practically see the viral load on that filthy paw of yours. office worker: you can't "see" a virus. virus sound coming from hand: hee-hee! that's how we getcha.
Tuesday June 07,
2011
Tags #public speaking, #financial model, #complicated, #formula errors, #management, #figures support, #schemes for career development, #life is ridiculous
Transcript
Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?
Tuesday March 20,
2012
Tags #fast forward, #phone, #playing, #time machine, #time travel
Transcript
Dilbert: My phone is like a time machine. I can fast-forward through the boring parts of life by playing with it. Dogbert: Hand it over. Time flies when I'm not having fun.