Business People Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for business people comic strips. Discover the best "Business People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 300 iq, computer, convincing people, desk, evil director, human resources, nobel prize, track record, unix, technology, business

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Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, project, length, add people, months, useless, sit down, business

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The Boss says, "How long will your project take if I add two people?" Dilbert says, "Add one month for training, one month for the extra complexity, and one month to deal with their drama." The Boss says, "But after all of that?" Dilbert says, "They'll be as useful as this meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, honest feedback, strategy, lie, misperception, hate people, business

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The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, employee satisfaction, chart, point, fire, smart people, stupid, celebrate, business

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The Boss says, "Employee satisfaction has doubled since last year!" The Boss says, "The credit goes to our new program of firing smart people." Alice says, "You're safe." Coworker says, "Yeff!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, lying, job interview, exaggerate credntials, more effective, business skill, misleading, convince customers, prodcuts, dupe some idiot, learn tech skills, honesty, hr, send offer, liar

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Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, innovate, google, apple, 3m, smart people, fire yourselves, business, technology

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Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, great leader, hires good people, no budget, micromanaging, half wits, afford, business

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Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flattery, company, boss, flatter, infinite people, typewriter, butter up, business

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Wally: Our company needs more people like you. Not just more. We need infinite people just like you. Boss: Where is this going? Wally: And if each of you hat a typewriter, wow!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sleeping & waking up, get up at 4am, successful people do, power nap, sound sbetter, than looks, business

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Boss: I got up at 4 a.m. because I heard it's what successful people do. Power nap! Wally: This sort of thing always sounds better than it looks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, employees, hiring and budget problem, perfromance review, three people, will resign, slightest criticism, pre google thinking, business

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Alice: Before we start my performance review, I should remind you that it would take three people to replace me. And I will resign at the slightest criticism, leaving you with a huge hiring and budget problem. Boss: This was supposed to make you nervous, not me. Alice: That think is so pre-Google.