Calculate Energy Comic Strips - Page 5

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60 Results for Calculate Energy

View 41 - 50 results for calculate energy comic strips. Discover the best "Calculate Energy" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #losing life support, #red alert, #scanning, #tractor beam, #trade show

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AT the trade show.... Dilbert: Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me. Dilbert: Im caught in a tractor beam! red alert! red alert! Losing life support systems Man: ...and I can even calculate fractions!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #revenue figures, #no revenue, #upgradimg, #project revenues, #spread hseet, #fist of death

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The Boss stands at Alice's desk. The Boss says, "When you show this to our VP. Put in some revenue figures." Alice says, "There's no revenue. All we're doing is upgrading our network." The Boss says, "I might have told him the project has revenues." Alice grits her teeth. The Boss says, "Lets not confuse him by changing the story now." Alice covers her eyes. Alice screams, "Yi-yi-yi." Alice says, "O-o-o-okay. How much revenue do you want? A million dollars?" The Boss says, "I might have told him it was more." Alice screams, "Just tell me what lie to use!!!" The Boss says, "Can't you calculate it on the spreadsheet?" Alice's fists clench, Alice's eyes bulge. Alice thinks, "Must control....fist..of...death..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #good news, #budgets, #calculations, #salary bidget, #vacation days, #got greedy

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At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Good news on your budgets. I did some recalculating last night." The Boss says, "I found a way to give more money to every project without increasing the total budget for projects!" Wally raises his hand and says, "Question: Does your new way involve poor math skills?" Wally has a question mark above his head. Alice puts her arm in front of him and says, "Ignore the skeptic. Hey, I have a suggestion!" Alice says, "Maybe you could recalculate the salary budget for next year." Dilbert says, "And when was the last time you recalculated the vacation days?" Wally, using his calculator wrist watch, says, "I calculate that we have an hour left for this meeting, but I'm interested in YOUR caculation." Dilbert, Wally and Alice walk out of the meeting counting stacks of money. Dilbert says, "I think we got greedy when we asked if he change for a five." They whistle as they leave.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #team work, #natures way, #identify weak, #perpetuating genes, #negative spin, #boss puts spin

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally addresses him, "Teamwork is nature's way of identifying the weak." Wally continues, "The strong, such as myself, put all of our energy into perpetuating our genes." Wally concludes, "Now this is when you usually try to put a negative spin on everything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #project manager, #direct natural talent, #energy, #common goal, #agenda, #copies of agenda, #health

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wally: "I've never been a project manager before." "I understand I'm supposed to direct your natural talents and energies toward a common goal." Wally: "Carol, did you make copies of the agenda?" Carol: "No, it sounded hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #tunnel shark, #dig forever, #red button, #don't push button

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Dilbert: I call it the "Tunnel SHrk" It converts dirt and rock into energy and can dig forever. So whatever you do, don't ignore what Im saying and push the red button. The Boss: Button! Now whats gotten into you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #calculate expected value, #pretend to be dead, #cover ears

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Dilbert: The best way to make this decision is by calculating the expected value of each possible outcome. you multiply the... The Boss: Must pretend to be dead. Dilbert: I sense that were done here. The Boss: I hope the dead sometimes cover their ears.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2006's comic on:


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"Don't worry, Alice. Stinky Pete is here to work closely with you on that technical problem." "I like to begin by releasing all of my negative energy." BRRAAAP! "AAEEII!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #14%, #projector screen, #label, #ceo, #dry run

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Dilbert says, "I based my estimate on the reliable input of people who just wanted me to leave them alone." Dilbert says, "I decided against labeling it because I'll probably need some deniability later." Dilbert says, "Are we done with the dry run, or do you want me to use up all of my energy before our CEO gets here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #slug, #success, #energy, #fast, #fat, #stick paper, #slimy, #face, #health

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Dilbert says, "My success depends on your doing your role in a timely and energetic manner." Dilbert says, "People say you're a big, fat slug, but I have confidence in you. I'll stick this to your slimy face and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character."