Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."
Dilbert, dressed as God, is seated on the plane next to a woman. He says, "It's because I'm making a sales call to the Vatican." Dilbert continues, "I'm told that salespeople should dress one level above their customers." The plane is viewed from the outside. A voice asks, "Aren't you worried?" Another voice responds, "About what?"
Dilbert: We still have too many software faults. We'll miss our ship date.
The boss: "Move the list of faults to the 'future development' column and ship it."
"90% of this job is figuring out what to call stuff."
The Boss: "We've moved our call centers to Elbonia but we don't think anyone will notice."
Elbonia: "Hello, how may I help you? My name is Kruphnehdahpheweundikaniswalyniaphorganopop." "I mean...Carl."
Elbonian Call Center "We don't have that software in stock." "But may I interest you in a set of porcelain unicorn figurines that wear pants?" "Really? Wow. Your country has way too much money."
Elbonia Call Center
Remember to use your american accents!
YEE- HAA!! lets put the dawg in the cherry! look at the size of my misses!!
We only do it that way in the cafeteria.
Opps sorry.
carol: "Hey, mullet-head, this is for you." "What did you call me?" "Oops. I used the secret nickname that everyone in the office has for you." "My work here is done." "It's just a little long in the back!"
Catbert: The number one complaint from employees is 'unclear objectives.'
The Boss: My number one complaint is that it takes too much effort for me to be clear.
Catbert: Lets call it a tie.
The bossL what are they so selfish?
Carol: Asok, your pointy-haired boss wants you to set up a conference call with all the division managers."
Asok: "Um... wouldn't that be his secretary's job? And aren't you his secretary?"
Carol: "Hey, I know. Why don't you try to get an appointment with him so you can ask that question."
Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in."
The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?"
Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."
