Co Workers Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because my idiot co-workers continue to use their speakerphones in the office. This is compounded by the fact that my idiot boss doesn't allow me to work from home. If you need me, I'll be sitting in my cubicle doing nothing but waiting for other people's phone calls to end.
Boss: I need to talk to you about your apple-eating. Dilbert: My what? Boss: Every afternoon you eat an apple at your desk. Your co-workers are complaining because it's loud. They can't work with all of your crispy chewing noise. Dilbert: In my defense, my co-workers are so incompetent that the less work they do, the better off the company is. Boss: That is a surprisingly robust defense. I'll come back if I can think of a counter-argument. Dilbert: Good luck. Crunch.
the boss: i asked you to stop using your speaker-phone because it was disturbing your co-workers. the boss: now they tell me you started doing voice-texting, which is even worse. wally: okay fine. later that day. alice visually upset and yelling: turn off your keyboard click sound! wally's cell phone: click click click.
dilbert: you have now made the same point nine times in a row while i sit here nodding. what will it take to make you stop repeating yourself? co-worker: you'll need to stop nodding in agreement. i'm addicted to positive reinforcement.
Dilbert: I heard you flew to Vegas and played pai gow all weekend. Wally: Go away. Dilbert: That's a difficult game to learn after having a few adult beverages. Wally: Drop dead. Dilbert: How'd you do? Wally: Leave me alone!
Wally: Do you feel any need to make conversation? Dilbert: Nope. But I don't mind standing in your general vicinity to counter the common perception of you as a sociopathic loner. Wally: You totally get me. Dilbert: That's what acquaintances are for.
CEO: Settle down, honey. I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm telling you what we're going to do. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Lower the containment unit! She's going to blow. CEO: When will it be safe? Dilbert: Right after you die.
Dilbert and some co-workers sit at a conference table. A tiny man says to Dilbert, "I disagree with everything you said. Who wants to step outside and fight about it?!!!" The little man says, "I may be on the smallish side but I can kick any butt in this room!!" The short man continues, "C'mon, who wants a piece of me??!" A woman next to Dilbert whispers, "It's my fault. I accidentally used him to soak up a coffee spill this morning."