Confused Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

79 Results for Confused

View 41 - 50 results for confused comic strips. Discover the best "Confused" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, flirting, dinner, afraid, confused, yelling, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "You're not my type. Why am I attracted to you? How did you do this, you monster!" Dilbert says, "In troubling economic times, my financial stability appeals to your survival instincts. It's basic evolution." Woman says, "Gaaa!!! That made me bored and aroused at the same time!" Dilbert says, "Science!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, confused, battery, stealing, electricity, revenge

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "What's on your back?" Wally says, "It's a battery." Wally says, "I recharge it at work with company electricity, then I use it at night to power my home appliances." Wally says, "If they cut my benefits one more time, I'll make a play for their water too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags proposition, marriage, ridiculous, confused, reading, explanation, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I crunched the numbers, and it makes sense for us to get married." Alice says, "I can maintain my lifestyle if you live in the closet and your only hobby is cleaning my house when I'm gone." Alice says, "If that doesn't work, I can insure the bejeezus out of you and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "The best?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags raise, bribery, agreement, money, clothes, confused, crime

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally says, "According to the news, everyone in power is corrupt." Catbert says, "So?" Wally says, "If you give me a 20% raise, I'll kick back half to you." Catbert says, "Done." Dilbert says, "How did you afford a new vest in this economy? Crime?" Wally says, "I'm dabbling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crime, asking, confused, ridicule, worthless, drinking, coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I've decided to dabble in crime. I nees some henchmen. Are you in?" Asok says, "What does a henchman do?" Wally says, "A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance." Asok says, "How important am I?" Wally says, "I wouldn't pack lunch for orientation day."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags auditor, taxes, inspection, confused, corruption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Man says, "I'm here to do a tax audit of your company." Dogbert says, "How's that work?" Man says, "I look for reasons to transfer money from small, disreputable entities to a larger one." Man says, "I call my salary vigorish, but it's not as ironic as it once was."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags compensation, pay, money, bonus, denial, rejection, confused, stupidity, cruel

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I can't give you a bonus because another division had huge losses." Dilbert says, "Remind me again why my bonus is tied to the performance of strangers?" The boss says, "I shouldn't tell you this, but we model our compensation program after practical jokes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, boss, confused, demanding, corrupt, ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Gas up the company jet, flunky. I'm going skiing in Aspen." Man says, "Using the corporate jet for a vacation sends the wrong message." Man says, "And you can't ski in the summer." Dogbert says, "What message do forty planeloads of snow send?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting, remembering, confused, asking, ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I just forgot what it's like to be one of the little people." The boss says, "It's liberating because I have no empathy for your suffering." Dilbert says, "And how is this different?" The boss says, "Now I have a reason."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags orders, demands, work, ridiculous, confused

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, rummage through the piles on my desk and find yourself something to do." The boss says, "Afterward, chastise yourself for not doing it the way I would have." Asok says, "Even if you would have done it wrong?" The boss, "Especially then. No one likes a show-off."