Current Duities Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

56 Results for Current Duities

View 41 - 50 results for current duities comic strips. Discover the best "Current Duities" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hiring, #renaming, #confusion, #anger, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

First Date "Do you feel like doing some conversation?" "Okay. I love talking." "Do you like politics?" "No." "Science and technology?" "Not really." "War?" "No." "Sports?" "No." "Current events?" "No." "What's left?" "I like to talk about my hair." "Um...okay, we can try that." "This brown is a browner brown than I wanted." "Right. Are we done with hair?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2001's comic on:


Tags #slump, #make changes, #management style, #paternal, #new management style, #we hate employees, #volunteer, #nineties, #kick off, #kick intern, #bent over

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss addressing Wally and Dilbert says, "Our industry is in a slump. We need to make changes." Pointing to a slide of Asok being handed an ice-cream cone, the boss says, "Our current mangement style could be described as paternal." Pointing to a slide of a man getting kicked, the boss says, "Our new management style doesn't have a name yet." Asok, waving his arm, says, "Ooh ooh! I have a suggestion." Asok continues, "The new management style could be called 'We hate our employees.'" The boss says, "Not bad." The boss says, "I need a volunteer to help with the 'Back to the nineties' kick-off." Asok bends over preparing to be kicked as he asks, "How is this like the nineties?" The boss, about to kick, says, "Stop wiggling."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #famous leaders, #copy, #16 hrs a day, #reading about industry, #leaders eat cake, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I have studied the practices of famous leaders so you can copy them. First, work sixteen hours every day. Boss & CEO: Sixteen hours?? Dogbert: And in your spare time, you should be reading about your industry to stay current. Boss & CEO: Reading??? Dogbert: Oookay. This isn't working. Suppose I told you that famous leaders eat a lot of cake? That took a creepy turn.

Do Not Attack Me

Thank you for voting.
Do Not Attack Me - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #conflict, #paranoia, #self-fulfilling prophesy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Are the estimates current? Coworker: Why are you attacking me? Dilbert: I feel like attacking you now. Coworker: I knew it!

New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency

Thank you for voting.
New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #layout, #office, #desk, #work environment, #efficiency, #catch-22, #loophole, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.

Employees Keep Agreeing

Thank you for voting.
Employees Keep Agreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #furniture, #office, #arrangement, #laziness, #loophole, #efficiency, #management, #work ethic, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dating, #fitbit, #hackers, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #spying, #surveillance, #technology, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Hackers Convention. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. Woman: I know. I just hacked your phone, your credit card, and your fitness band. No need for conversation. I know everything about you, including your current physiological state. Dilbert: I feel violated. Woman: No, you don't. Your vital signs are elevated. That means you're falling in love with me. Dilbert: Ha! I just hacked your fitness band and I see you have... no interest in me whatsoever. It was too late to reject her first.

Dashboard For The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #technology, #ruse, #trick, #deception.

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Boss Buys Software Without Help

Thank you for voting.
Boss Buys Software Without Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bad advice, #Advice, #sales, #lying, #deception, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I bought new software for our network. Dilbert: Who helped you on the technical side? Boss: The vendor. He said our current software uses the wrong kind of electricity.