Customer Email Comic Strips - Page 5
414 Results for Customer Email
View 41 - 50 results for customer email comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Email" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 06, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."
Share May 24, 1998's comic on:
An employee comes into the Boss' office with a man and says, "I'd like you to meet our newest customer." The Boss says, "You won't be sorry; we're one of the top five companies in this field." The customer turns to the employee and says, "I thought you said no one else makes this kind of product." The Boss interjects, "No one else makes one with so few features." The employee grimaces as the customer asks, "So...your strategy is low price, right?" The Boss replies, "No, high margins!" The customer grabs the employee by the collar and begins to choke him, screaming, "YOU!!" The employee's feet are propped up on the Boss' desk as the Boss thinks to himself, "I'd better ask someone what a 'margin' is."
Share January 06, 1999's comic on:
The boss says, to Dilbert and Wally, "From now on, we will celebrate our service reps who give exceptional customer service." Dilbert says, "Question: Why would we celebrate employees who do extra work without getting extra pay?" The boss says, "It will make them happy." Dilbert says, "Can we celebrate the smart employees some day?"
Share January 30, 1999's comic on:
The boss says, to Alice, "Alice, we lost our biggest customer because you missed the R.F.Q. deadline." Alice says, "That's because YOU said all overnight mail must go through your evil and lazy secretary." Alice says, "So you're probably going to apologize and give me a bonus for my effort." the boss says, "What's your second guess?"
Share June 11, 1999's comic on:
Lawyer: can you explain the meaning of this internal email message? Dilbert: It says we'll "Use integration tools to leverage the utility of our enterprise- wide processes. Dilbert: It appears to be something we call communication. Lawyer: Perjury!
Share August 19, 1999's comic on:
Alice stands behind Asok who work at his computer. Alice says, "Asok, you've been chosen to head our customer appreciation celebration." Alice says, "The theme is "Thank Goodness there are so many idiots." Dilbert, Wally and Alice eat lunch. Dilbert says, "When do you plan to tell him it's a joke?" Alice says, "Let's see how the posters turn out."
Share November 01, 1999's comic on:
The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.
Share November 03, 1999's comic on:
Designing a Call Center Catbert: Give the employees six minutes of bathroom breaks per shift. The Boss: Tiny cubicles and we'll monitor calls and have incompatible objectives such as speed and customer service. = Wally: Hows the project going? Dilbert: Im still collecting the abuser requirements.
Share April 21, 2000's comic on:
The sadist approaches Alice and says, "I forwarded your e-mail to everyone." Alice now shocked and horrified, turns to face the sadist. She says, "Gaaa! That e-mail insulted half the people on our project!!" After reading Alice's email, Carol says to Alice and Dilbert "That's an interesting theory about why my hair is brown."
Share August 19, 2000's comic on:
Brenda Utthead: I know our email addresses are supposed to be our first initial plans our last name. But could you make an exception? The Boss: No. That Brenda Utthead is quite a whiner,