Date Ends Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

222 Results for Date Ends

View 41 - 50 results for date ends comic strips. Discover the best "Date Ends" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #move project, #due date, #reach objective, #perfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demo, #ne wpordcut, #vp next week, #delay, #ship date, #lower morale, #create unending demand, #unproductive demos, #doing valuable work, #quality, #banner

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and asks, "Could you do a demo of the new product for our VP next week?" Dilbert says, "Well . . . That would delay the ship date, lower morale and create an unending demand for more unproductive demos . . ." Dilbert continues, "Logically, since your objective is to show that we're doing valuable work . . ." The Boss interrupts, "And we'll need a banner that says 'Quality.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #date other men, #break up, #need a spare, #not break up, #other dates

View Transcript

Transcript

Liz and Dilbert walk outdoors. Liz says, "I've decided to date other men." Dilbert cries, "Nooo!!! Don't break up with me!" Liz replies, "I'm not. I just want to date other men at the same time." Dilbert folds his arms across his chest and says, "I am NOT happy right now." Liz points to a man walking next to her and says, "That's exactly why I need a spare."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mail order bride, #elbonian, #exact date, #garage

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert sit at a table eating lunch. Wally says, "My Elbonian mail-order bride will arrive any day now." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you know the exact date?" Wally replies, "Because they're sending her by mail. I wasn't willing to pay for overnight delivery." Dilbert says, "She's one lucky gal." Wally says, "I'll probably keep her in the garage. It has a sink."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #third date, #vendor, #client, #obligated, #feisty, #oysters, #sale first, #kill client

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and a vendor are eating lunch at a restaurant and are looking at the menu. Wally says, "Do you realize this is our third date?" The vendor (a woman) says, "We're not dating. I'm a vendor and you're my client." The vendor says, "You always say the only time we can meet is during lunch. That way I'm obligated to pay for it." The waitress brings them glasses of water. Wally says, "You're feisty. I'd better get the oysters." The vendor makes an angry grimmace and thinks, "Make sale first. Then kill client."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Men, #communicate, #only talks, #Sports, #computers, #job, #tv, #sex, #jokes, #greek mythology, #date, #likes, #dislikes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is on a date. His date says, "I like men who know how to communicate..." The date says, "But not a man you only talks about sports, or computers, or his job, or tv, or sex, or jokes, or his accomplishments..." Dilbert says, "That would leave... Greek mythology... and you." The date says, "No Greek stuff."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hugger, #first date, #watch snagged, #bra strap

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert meets his date. His date puts out her arms and says, "Hi, Dilbert! Hi, Dogbert!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh!" Dilbert's date goes in for a hug. Dilbert thinks, "She's a hugger on the first date. I never know where my arms should go." Dilbert hugs his date, his arms going down her shirt and lifting it up to her head. You can see her bra and Dilbert says, "I hope this doesn't seem awkward, but my watch is snagged on your bra strap."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hugged your date, #snagged in blouse, #hilarious, #free your arm, #ripped top off, #engineer, #diamond cutter, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at home after his date. Dogbert says, "I loved it when you hugged your date and your arm got snagged on her blouse." Dilbert looks angry. Dogbert waves his arms in the air and says, "And it was hilarious when you tried to free your arm and accidently ripped her top off." Dogbert says, "But the best part was when you yelled, 'I'm an engineer, not a diamond cutter, dang it!'" Dilbert says, "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coached well, #date, #date analyzer, #cubicle fibers, #office job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives for his date. A woman opens the door and Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt. Absolutely right. Grunt, grunt, grunt." Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt, grunt." She says, 'Someone coached you well for this date. You haven't said a thing I object to yet." Dilbert is strapped to a huge microscope labled, "Date-alyzer." He says, "Grunt." She stands at the control panel and says, "I see cubicle fibers... you have an office job."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obnoxious, #useless coworker, #needed cooperation, #expiration date, #cologne

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice tells Dilbert and Wally, "I'm glad he quit. He was such an obnoxious, useless co-worker." Dilbert says, "We had to be nice to him because we needed his cooperatin." Wally yells, "The jerk!" Wally complains, "He should check the expiration date on his cologne!" Ed angrily thinks, "Next time, I will not give two weeks' notice."