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Dilbert tells the Boss, "I didn't work up to my full potential today." Dilbert continues, "Naturally, I'll be refunding a portion of my salary to the company." The Boss says, "Uh . . . We don't really have a process for that." Dilbert says, "What? That's almost like saying it's okay to work below my potential." Dilbert screams, "Hey guys! You were right! The pay's the same whether you try or not!" Wally says, "That's great! I didn't do squat today!" Ted adds, "I played 'Tetris.'" Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for the clarification." Wally says, "It's a big time-saver." The Boss thinks, "Hey, I actually got paid for that!"
A man tells Dilbert, "You'll be performing a 'Turing test' on our new artificial intelligence software." Dilbert sits at a desk. The researcher continues, "Try to determine if the responses on your screen come from our computer or a human in the next room." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it to write a strategy for our company." The computer responds, "Our strategy is to visionize quality resources that enhance earnings." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it how to motivate employees." The computer response says, "Reorganize often to improve focus. Redefine work as 'opportunity' and increase it daily. Take time to ask for opinions then explain why they're wrong." Dilbert tells the researcher, "It must be a computer because there's no human intelligence. Unless . . ." Dilbert looks into the next room and sees the Boss sitting at a computer. Dilbert says, "Nice try, boss."
The Boss stands in front of a chart and says, "Our next product will determine the future of our company." The Boss turns and looks at Dilbert and Wally who are sitting at the conference table. He says, "I need a project leader who has a passion for success!" Wally raises his hand and asks, "Would that leader get extra pay?" The Boss replies, "It's not about money, Wally. It's about a passion for success!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "All I have is a vague preference. How about you?" Dilbert puts his hand to his head and says, "Yes, I'm feeling something...Maybe it's..." The Boss looks frustrated as Dilbert says, "No, it's just my allergy medication." The Boss throws up his hands as Wally asks, "What was it like?" Dilbert replies, "It tingled."
Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."
"I am concerned because my objectivess are vague and unmeasurable." "As a result, I am not inspired to achieve my full potential... and... um..." "Did I just say I'm doing a bad job and ask you to punish me?" "That's what I heard."
"I understand that you have an opening for a negotiator who deals with potential jumpers." "I can't see you because my hat is in the way, but you sound perfect for the job." "Your reverse psychology didn't work." "What reverse psychology?"
Boss: You're supposed to be cold calling sales prospects. Wally: I am. I'm using a video chat site to randomly meet potential customers. This guy is excited to see me, and that's half of the sales job right here.
Catbert says, "I will use role play to evaluate your management potential. Catbert says, "Imagine you are a turtle and you are being attacked by a hawk." Catbert says, "That's better than I expected." A man says, "Thanks."