Diet Plan Comic Strips - Page 5
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533 Results for Diet Plan
View 41 - 50 results for diet plan comic strips. Discover the best "Diet Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 25,
1996
Tags #experiment 1, #exposing rat marketing plan, #no adverse response, #introduction, #background, #far more exposure, #humans, #tolerate
Transcript
The caption says, "Experiment #1: I am exposing a rat to my company's marketing plan." Dilbert shows a copy of the plan to Ratbert. The caption says, "He seems to have no adverse response to the introduction and background." Ratbert hums as he reads the plan. Dilbert takes notes. The caption says, "This is already far more exposure than humans could tolerate." A large bump appears on Ratbert's head and he says, "Sales projections . . . brain tumor . . . get Tylenol . . ."
Wednesday July 17,
1996
Tags #action plan, #solve problems, #problems, #demented, #expense, #demented plat, #lift veil, #ignorance
Transcript
Dilbert and Liz sit on a park bench. Liz says, "Um . . . When I've shared my feelings with you, I wasn't hoping you'd design an action plan to solve all of my problems." Dilbert asks, "Why else would you tell me all of your problems . . . Unless it's some demented plot to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You were right. It was all a demented plot." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to gradually lift your veil of ignorance."
Saturday September 07,
1996
Tags #network adminsitrator, #routers, #block employees, #websites, #program routers, #useless activities, #business plan
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."
Saturday December 07,
1996
Tags #downsized artbert, #generous retirement plan, #employment, #calendar, #when done
Transcript
The Boss tells Ratbert, "You're being downsized, Ratbert. Fortunately, there's a generous retirement plan." The Boss continues, "Let's see . . . For your length of employment, at your grade level . . . You will get a wall calendar." Ratbert asks, "When do I get it?" The Boss says as he walks away, "As soon as I'm done with it."
Friday February 28,
1997
Tags #speak about project, #plan, #created input, #arrogant baboon, #slap you, #flashbacks, #honeymoon
Transcript
Dogbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Dilbert asked me to speak to you about the project plan you created without his input." Dogbert screams, "It's impossible, you arrogant baboon!!!" Dogbert continues, "Lean over here so I can slap you." The Boss says, "I'm having flashbacks to my honeymoon."
Wednesday March 26,
1997
Tags #plan too much, #bias for action, #posters, #proclaim commitment, #measure once, #cut twice
Transcript
The Boss sits at his desk and says, "We plan too much. From now on we'll have a bias for action." The Boss tells Asok and Wally, "I want posters that proclaim our commitment to action. And I want them soon!" The Boss reads a poster, "'Measure once. Cut twice.' I like it." Wally tells Asok, "Told you."
Friday April 25,
1997
Tags #business plan, #disarray, #free time, #deliverables, #joy, #perverse sources, #Alternative
Transcript
Wally tells Dilbert, "Good news! Our business plan is in complete disarray!" Wally shouts, "Free time!! No deliverables!!! And it's not OUR fault!" Dilbert shouts, "Yippee!!" They celebrate. Dilbert asks, "Do you realize that all our joy comes from perverse sources?" Wally replies, "I didn't know there was an alternative."
Saturday April 26,
1997
Tags #business plan, #disarray, #three hour lunch, #turn around, #distinguish, #dedication, #insanity
Transcript
Wally stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, our business plan is in complete disarray so we're taking a three-hour lunch. Want to join us?" Alice replies, "No, I've got to work harder than ever to turn this situation around!" Wally and Dilbert put their coats on and leave. Wally tells Dilbert, "Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between dedication and insanity." Dilbert asks, "Which one are we?"
Wednesday February 04,
1998
Tags #career talk, #boss, #office, #work you, #health deteriorates, #obsolete, #downsize, #plan work fast, #ill
Transcript
Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."
Monday February 16,
1998
Tags #industrial espionage program, #secret reports, #plan, #fire dumb people, #perfect cover
Transcript
Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."