Dogberts Talk Radio Comic Strips - Page 5

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dysfunctional team, #learned in workshop, #listen, #heart felt, #respect, #ham radio license, #going first

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Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like each of you to tell the team what you learned in my workshop." Alice says, "I learned to listen with my heart. I gained respect for others. I understand Sanskrit. I got my ham radio license. I can divide by zero . . ." As the Boss looks shocked, Alice thinks to herself, "I love going first."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss late, #small talk, #meet with marketing, #outfir, #chair is springy

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Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Wally says, "As usual, the boss is late. What do you want to do?" Dilbert suggests, "Let's practice making small talk. It'll come in handy when we meet with marketing." Wally begins, "So, Alice, haven't we seen that outfit a LOT?" Dilbert leans back in his chair and says, "This chair is springy. Do you think they're all springy?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #talk, #vacation, #leadership, #sock monkey

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A man stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Dilbert, the Boss would like to talk to you." Dilbert enters the Boss's office and asks, "You wanted me?" The Boss says, "Ah, Dilbert, come in." The Boss says, "I'm taking two weeks of vacation and I need competent leadership while I'm gone." Dilbert thinks, "At last he's giving me an assignment with responsibility." The Boss says, "That's why I got this talking sock monkey. Pull the string twice a day and do what he says."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #talk, #respect, #intangible, #body language, #victory, #workers

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "The worst he can do is fire me . . ." Dilbert says, "Boss, I need to talk to you." Dilbert continues, "I feel you don't respect me . . ." Dilbert continues, "It's an intangible thing . . ." The Boss thinks, "Sneeze coming . . ." Dilbert continues, "I see it in your body language . . ." The Boss grabs Dilbert's shirt. Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes the things you say . . ." The Boss rips Dilbert's shirt off his body. The Boss sneezes and uses Dilbert's shirt as a handkerchief. Dilbert sits at his desk without a shirt. He says, "This has been something less than a victory for workers everywhere."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talk of diversity, #smart creatures endure, #surrounded by dolts, #hold secret meetings, #constant struggle

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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "With all this talk of 'diversity' there's no mention of the pain we smart creatures endure while surrounded by dolts." Dilbert says, "Good point. I don't know how we do it." Dogbert walks away saying, "It looks like I'll have to hold secret meetings." Dilbert says, "Yeah, our lives are a constant struggle."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #not paid big bucks, #presentation, #use walkie talkie, #walk the talk, #carol, #look at paycheck

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The Boss says to his secretary, "When Dilbert comes by, tell him to add 'walk the talk' to his presentation." The secretary says to Dilbert, "He wants you to use a 'Walkie-Talkie' to do the presentation." Dilbert asks, "Um . . . Did he say why?" The secretary holds up her paycheck and says, "Hey, look at my paycheck! I just realized I don't get paid the big bucks!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #haven't submitted paperwork, #raise, #show up, #talk to boss, #too busy, #secretary needs secretary

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Dilbert asks the Boss's secretary, "Carol, do you know why my raise hasn't showed up in my pay yet?" Carol replies, "I haven't submitted the paperwork." Carol says, "I'm too busy to do it. Maybe you should talk to my boss about getting me a secretary." Dilbert says, "Carol, YOU are the secretary." Carol replies, "That'll cost you another month."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disguise arousal, #jerk magnet, #talk to death, #turkey deceased, #sandwhich

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Tina and Dilbert sit at a table eating lunch. Tina says, "I always fall for the wrong guys. I'm a jerk magnet." Dilbert says, "Tina, the turkey in your sandwich is already deceased. You don't have to talk it to death." Tina clenches her teeth and her fists. She thinks, "I must disguise my arousal." Dilbert says, "Hey, look! We're eating exactly the same quantities for lunch!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #tax, #perparation, #help, #math, #classes, #inadequacies, #taxes, #deviation, #cosine, #depreciation, #polynormail, #owe, #preparer, #confusion

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Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Tax Preparation $5.00." A man enters the office and says, "I need some help . . ." Dogbert says, "Sit down." The man says, "I always fooled around during math classes. Now I can't do my own taxes." Dogbert looks at the form and says, "We can prattle about your inadequacies later." Dogbert says as he fills out the form, "I'll do your taxes and talk at the same time so you really feel dumb." Dogbert continues, "Hmm . . . Simply multiply the standard deviation of the cosine of your depreciation and integrate the resulting polynomial . . . There." Dogbert continues, "According to this, you owe your tax preparer an additional two thousand dollars." A pile of money sits on Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says to the reader, "Confusion - it works for the IRS and it can work for you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career talk, #boss, #office, #work you, #health deteriorates, #obsolete, #downsize, #plan work fast, #ill

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Dilbert stadns in front of the Boss who is sitting at his desk. Dilbert says, "I'd like to talk about my career path." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss says, "My plan is to work you until your health deteriorates and your skills are obsolete. Then we'll downsize you." Dilbert holds his stomach and says, "I'm ill." The Boss says, "Really? I've never had a plan work this fast before."