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Dilbert gets sucked into his computer. Dilbert: You.. You're a microchip... Michael: I am. C'mon in and have some coffee. Dilbert: Chips drink coffee? Michael: Gallons. It keeps us fast. Dilbert: Doesn't that make you irritable with the other microchips? Michael: Not since I killed them all.
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I like a man who makes eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "Uh no . . . Uncontrollable urge to look away . . . I've got to blink about twenty times. Why did she have to bring that up?" Dilbert covers his eyes, screams, knocks his drink over and blinks repeatedly. The woman turns to the reader and says, "I love doing that."
A scientist points to a cage and says, "Here we have a lab rat, specially bred to be susceptible to peer pressure." The scientist holds out a beer and asks the rat, "How about a brewski?" The rat replies, "I don't drink." The scientist says, "All the cool rats drink beer." The rat replies, "Okay." The professor says, "Of course, there's more to science than just hurting animals, but frankly it's the part I like best." The rat lies on his back drinking the beer.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Here's a brochure for my new miracle mineral water spa." Dilbert reads the pamphlet and says, "You claim that the water at our house will make people smart, beautiful and healthy." Dogbert says, "If anybody asks, tell then you don't drink water."
Ratbert says, "I must get back to the lab now. But please, no long goodbyes, or parting gifts, or fanfare." Ratbert continues, "Nay, let us simply drink in the richness of this beautiful yet sorrowful moment. Two friends who . . ." Dogbert interrupts, "'Bye." Ratbert says, "That's what I meant to say: 'bye."
Dogbert sits at a table holding a magnifying glass and looking at stamps. Dogbert says to Dilbert, "Help me look for valuable stamps. You're better at this than I am." Dilbert says, "Philately will get you nowhere." Dilbert sits at the table by himself with stamps stuck to his face.
Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing while Dilbert looks over his shoulder. Dogbert says, "I'm starting my own tabloid newspaper, the 'Dogbert Star.'" Dogbert explains, "All of the stories will be sensational lies about me . . . That way I'll save money on lawsuits." Dogbert types, "An angry Dogbert denied that his ego was so big he started a tabloid devoted entirely to himself."
The caption says, "Dogbert starts a tabloid newspaper devoted to lies about himself." Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types. Dilbert asks, "Where do you get your ideas?" Dogbert types, "Dogbert's impatience with fools was legendary. He once choked a man by his necktie for asking stupid questions." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder as Dogbert types, "It happened one day when the fool was reading over Dogbert's shoulder and got too close."
Dilbert walks down the office hallway and thinks, "Forgot my keys." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to slap my forehead and mutter when I turn around, otherwise I'll look silly." As two people watch, Dilbert smacks himself and his glasses fly off his head. Dilbert thinks, "Too hard."
The Boss: Dilbert, this is your new co-worker, Floyd Remora. Floyd has worked here for twenty years without developing any skills. He survives by attaching himself to other employees. Dilbert: Go ahead... Ask me how my day went.