Enlightened Leader Comic Strips - Page 5
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104 Results for Enlightened Leader
View 41 - 50 results for enlightened leader comic strips. Discover the best "Enlightened Leader" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday March 08,
2008
Tags #jesus, #introduces, #new employee, #team leader, #enjoy retirement, #coffee stain
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."
Monday July 14,
2008
Tags #hit with rock, #prefrontal cortex, #hurting poepl, #natural leader, #bunk on back of head, #dont remeber
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Where am I? What happened?" Dogbert says, "Someone hit you with a rock." Dogbert says, "The swelling in your prefrontal cortex will make you care less about hurting people, thus making you a natural leader." "Dilbert says, "There's also a bump on the back of my head." Dogbert says, "That's so you don't remember who threw the rocks."
Wednesday September 22,
2010
Tags #new product, #block of wood, #ceo, #salesman, #high forehead, #inneundo, #leader
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Your product is nothing but a piece of wood. You need a charismatic pitchman to make gullible consumers buy it." Dogbert says, "Normally that would be your job as CEO. Unfortunately, you remind people of a giant?" CEO says, "Leader?" Dogbert says, "Exactly."
Sunday June 20,
2010
Tags #meeting, #leader, #process, #decision making, #gut, #instinct, #annoy, #question, #frustrated, #yell, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "A good leader uses a process for making decisions." Dilbert says, "May I take this one?" Wally says, "Go." Alice says, "Make us proud." Dilbert says, "Question: If making a decision is just a process, why can't a computer do it?" The Boss says, "Because sometimes I have to rely on my gut." Dilbert says, "Which part of your gut is the smart part? Is it the stomach lining, or maybe the colon?" The Boss says, "I'm talking about instinct. It's an indefinable leadership quality." Dilbert says, "Is the indefinable thing like a superstition?" Wally says, "Or cooties?" The Boss says, "It's a process!" Dilbert says, "Is that your colon talking?"
Thursday October 11,
2007
Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal
Transcript
The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"
Saturday May 11,
2013
Tags #clear strategy, #fixing, #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #leader listens, #managers & supervisors, #overworked, #resources, #underlings, #underpiad, #business
Transcript
Boss: A good leader listens to his underlings. Alice: Fine. I've overworked and underpaid. I hate my co-workers, I don't have the resources to do my job, and we have no clear strategy. Boss: No wonder leaders listen. It's a lot easier than fixing all of that stuff.
Thursday June 27,
2013
Tags #deception, #joking, #natural leader, #gulliable
Transcript
Wally: Studies show that you can identify a natural leader by the way he says the word "gullible." Boss: Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Gullible! Wally: Sometimes I love my job.
Friday November 15,
2013
Tags #conversation, #language, #leader, #steve jobs, #rinse with vinegar, #remove mold, #dot touch
Transcript
Boss: I see myself as a leader in the mold of Steve Jobs. Alice: Try rinsing your entire body with vinegar. That might remove his mold. Boss: Are we talking about the same thing? Alice: Please don't touch anything I own.
Saturday November 23,
2013
Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #great leader, #hires good people, #no budget, #micromanaging, #half wits, #afford, #business
Transcript
Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.
Wednesday September 17,
2014
Tags #executives, #good leader, #willing, #disliked, #great leader, #litening, #expectations, #very unliked
Transcript
CEO: A good leader has to be willing to be disliked. Dilbert: You must be a great leader. CEO: What do you mean by that? Dilbert: Sorry. I didn't expect you to be listening to me.