Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

932 Results for Every Day Retribution

View 41 - 50 results for every day retribution comic strips. Discover the best "Every Day Retribution" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2007's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Carol, you showed up for work almost every day this week. Here are some 'morale dollars'." "It's not real money, but you can redeem it for gifts and services that you don't want or need." "I also entered you into a raffle that you didn't win." HONK!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #thinking, #twitter, #witty tweets, #power to destroy career, #abusing employees, #personal gain, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Carol, create a Twitter account under my name and send out witty tweets every day. Carol: Buwhahahaha! I hold in my hands the power to destroy your career and your reputation! Boss: Every now and then I question my strategy of abusing my employees for personal gain.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #irony, #managers & supervisors, #interface, #finished, #started, #micromanagement, #bad reputation, #optimistic, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't wait to see the changes I asked you to make on the interface. Our last meeting was two months ago. You must be finished by now. Coworker: I haven't started yet. I had a few questions. I figured I'd ask you about them the next time we talked. In the meantime I only did work for people who yelled at me every day. Micromanagement has a bad reputation, but I'm not too proud to say I need it. Dilbert: Okay... well, I'm optimistic that you can make those changes for me by next week. Coworker: I probably should have asked my questions.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #fired, #programming code, #undocumented, #passwords, #death spiral, #huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #5 minute huddle, #high energy, #standup meeting, #solved in minute

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I want the entire staff to meet at 10 A.M. every day for a five-minute huddle. The Boss: We'll use this high-energy stand-up meeting to solve problems and share successes. The Boss: Who has a problem that can be solved in a minute?"Wally: I'm tired. Can I sit on you?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #mandatory stretch, #employee welness, #good and flexible, #new place, #tuck your head, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "We're instituting a mandatory stretch period every day." Asok says, "This is surprising because human resources usually doesn't care about employee wellness." Catbert says, "Phase one is just to get you good and flexible. Phase two involves a new place to tuck your head."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, I have to let you go..." "Well, this was bound to happen." "I guess someone told you that I e-mailed our CEO and said you think his daughter looks like a chimp." "Or is it because I built a guest house from stolen office supplies?" "Maybe it's because you found out that I've been taking a dollar out of your desk every day for seven years." "Actually, I was trying to say I have to let you go to a training class." "Is it someplace nice?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #strategy meetng, #value input, #administrative assistant, #global domination, #engineers, #gocce filters, #popcorn bags, #pantyhouse, #foot on pantyhose, #coffeee filter

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, come to my strategy meeting." The Boss continues, "You're only a secretary, but I value your input." Carol exclaims, "I'm an administrative assistant!!!" As they're walking to the meeting, Carol thinks, "Chimp." The Boss thinks, "Bad secretary." The Boss addresses the meeting, "Does anyone have any strategic ideas for global domination?" Carol responds, "The engineers keep using our coffee filters as popcorn bags. That has to stop." Alice stands and yells, "If you ordered enough filters, I would need to use the foot of my pantyhose to make coffee every day!" As they're walking out of the meeting, Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm adding that to the list of things I don't want to think about."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2003's comic on:


Tags #manager of executive compensation, #plan to steal, #meeting, #back slapping, #pormises, #raises, #ponys, #vacations, #huge raise, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: "I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." Boss: "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." Bradley: "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." Boss: "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" Dilbert: "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" Boss: "See what I have to deal with every day?" Bradley: "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #budget contraints, #free soda, #no free soda, #near had free soda, #soda stolen, #daily, #boss steals intern

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "Due to budget constraints, the company will no longer provide free soda." Dilbert asks, "What free soda? We never had free soda." The Boss replies, "Sure we did. It was in the refrigerator in the break room." The Boss continues, "Every day I'd go in there and get a refreshing beverage." The Boss continues, "The next morning, as if by magic, the soda would be replenished." Asok says, "I brought a soda to work every day for five years only to have it stolen from the refrigerator every time." Everyone stares at The Boss. The Boss replies, "Why didn't you just drink the free ones?" Asok clenches in anger.