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View 41 - 50 results for except comic strips. Discover the best "Except" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #manager sounding voice, #promotion to management, #no qualifications

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"Congratulations, Alice. You're one of my two candidates for the promotion to management." "The other candidate has no qualifications except for his manager-sounding voice." "And he doesn't make that face.:

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, I've documented all of your disciplinary issues in your personnel file." "You have violations for every letter of the alphabet except Z. For some reason you missed that one." Zzzzzz

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #dinner set up, #key, #everyone invited, #expect carol, #key employees, #mints

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The Boss: "Carol, set up a dinner for all key employees." Carol: "Which ones are key?" "That would be everyone except um...you." "I curse your dinner!" "I'll bring you some mints...if they have extras."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #corner, #cubilce, #door, #fantasy, #nutrients, #office, #replacement, #giant mushroom

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The Boss: Now that you're out of the loop, your new cubicle will be a giant mushroom. It's a pleasant environment except when the mushroom gets its nutrients. wally: Nutrients?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #brain, #part of brain, #controls morality, #the natural, #glows from within

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Dilbert says, "My doctor says everything is fine except for the part of my brain that controls morality." The Boss says, "Gasp! The management prophesies are true. You must be the one they call..." Catbert says, "THE NATURAL?!!" The Boss says, "He glows from within."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #quotes, #tweet, #twitter, #social media, #phones, #book deal, #excited, #business, #technology

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The Boss says, "Our highest priority is satisfying our customers? except when it is hard? or unprofitable? or we're busy." CLICK CLICK CLICK The Boss says, "Are you tweeting my quotes?" Asok says, "Book deal! Cha-ching!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2009's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #stock tip, #ridicule, #criticism, #hair cut, #old fashioned, #doubt, #annoyed

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Man says, "I have a great stock tip for you, Alice." Alice says, "And I should trust you because you're an expert on all things except your own ridiculous hair?" Man says, "I also know a lot about old cars." Alice says, "Shocker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #fired, #gross incompetence, #train, #before leaving, #coded jave app, #incompetent parts

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CarL: "Although I've been fired for gross incompetence, I'm professional enough to train you before I leave." Dilbert:"Don't bother. I already coded a Java app to do everything you do." Carl: "Everything?" Dilbert: "Except for the incompetent parts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2005's comic on:


Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #acquired by foreign company, #merger of equals, #make money, #combined company, #giant, #latent psychic abilities, #pain from distance

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The Boss says, "I'm happy to announce that we're being acquired by a foreign company." The Boss continues, "Don't worry that they'll dominate us. This will be a merger of equals." He points to a sign that reads, "Merger of Equals." The Boss continues, "Except that they make money and we don't." The Boss continues, "And their CEO will lead the combined company." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit at the conference table. The Boss' voice continues, "And every one of them is a giant." The Boss continues, "And they've developed their latent psychic abilities so they can cause pain from a distance." The Boss grabs his head in pain and exclaims, "Gaaa!! I'm sorry I said too much! You are my master!!" Dilbert turns to Wally and asks, "Are you worried?" Wally replies, "Nah. If they read my mind, they'll all go blind."