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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #manager, #actual work, #decisons, #prodcue, #carbon dioxide

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The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I'm a manager, so I don't do actual work . . ." The Boss thinks, "And all the decisions are made above me." The Boss says to his secretary, "Carole, tell me again what I produce." Carol replies, "Carbon dioxide. Our plants would need that if they weren't plastic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #each photo, #universe, #tiny skull, #going to explode, #tarpaulin, #rat talks garbageman

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Ratbert sits on a garbage can and says, "So... each photon is a universe.. then mass is just a probability cluster?" THe trash man says, "That's how I see it." Ratbert holds his head in his hands like it's about to explode and says, "Wow! I think my tiny skull is so full it's going to explode." The garbage man says holds a plastic bag of trash and says, "Let me get a tarpaulin." Dogbert walks up and says, "Have you been talking to our garbage man again?" Ratbert sits on a canvas tarp and holds his head. He says, "Don't get too close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #introduce you, #engineers, #karen, #new vp, #value employee, #open communications, #emailing freind, #window seat, #ask raining, #made raincoat, #garbage bag

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The Boss stands next to Dilbert's desk and says, "Let me introduce you to one of our engineers." The Boss tells Dilbert, "Karen is our new vice president. And you are . . .?" Dilbert reaches to shake the woman's hand and replies, "Dilbert: valued employee." The VP says, "I believe in open communications, Dilbert. Feel free to talk about anything." The Boss thinks, "Uh-oh." Karen asks, "So, what were you working on?" The Boss covers his eyes and thinks, "Oh no." Dilbert answers, "Well . . . I was just sending an e-mail to somebody who sits by a window to ask if it's raining." Dilbert continues, "If it's raining I'll fashion a raincoat from a large trash bag. Watch." Dilbert wears a plastic trash bag and says, "Three holes and you're ready to go!" The VP asks, "Are you planning to go out at lunch?" Dilbert replies, "Only if it rains."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1999's comic on:


Tags #fake rubber babies, #chick magnet, #stupid fly, #tough love

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Dilbert walks in apark holding two plastic babies. A girl walks by Dilbert with a heart over her head. Dilbert thinks, "These fake rubber babies will make me a chick magnet." A fly bzzz past. Dilbert hits the fly against a tree with one of the babies. Dilbert thinks, "Stupid fly." The women looks horrified. Dilbert says, "It's tough love."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 1998's comic on:


Tags #combined birthdays, #birthdays last year, #fake cake, #one cake, #all birthdays, #sing happy birthday

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The Boss stands in front of a cake and says, "Happy combined birthdays." The Boss continues, "Today we honor the employees who had birthdays within the past year." Wally, Dilbert and Alice stand as the Boss continues, "That's Dilbert...Alice...Asok...did I miss anyone?" Wally raises his hand and says, "Umm...you missed me." The Boss says, "You too? That's spooky." The Boss continues, "I'd cut the cake, but it's a plastic prop." The Boss says, "Let's sing. Does anyone know the words to 'Happy Birthday'?" The Boss walks down the hallway with the fake cake under his arm, and thinks, "I bet those weren't even the real words."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cold, #addicted, #rx drugs, #six months, #coffeemaker

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Wally and Dilbert are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I heard you had a cold." Dilbert responds, "It wasn't a cold." Dilbert continues, "I was addicted to prescription drugs and I grew an exoskeleton. I've been in rehab and surgery for six months." Wally responds, "Just to be clear: Can I catch any of that by touching the coffeemaker after you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #gerbil, #marketing team, #cables, #engineering support

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Ted: I moved the meeting to Tuesday. Dilbert: "I can't make it on Tuesday." " Ted: Somehow I think the marketing team can survive one meeting without engineering support." Marketing team: "We'll include a pet gerbil in every box. We'll just need to make sure it's in a sealed plastic bag so it won't chew on the cables."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #inflamed coccyx, #unnecessary body parts, #surgery over work, #napping, #slacker, #watch tv

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"Do you have a price sheet for removing unnecessary body parts?" "I wouldn't mind a few days away from work, being waited on, watching TV and napping." "You have an inflamed coccyx?" "Yeah, it's gotta go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2006's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #language, #translation, #trade off, #cheap, #money

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My Elbonian factory can manufacture your product for pennies. "Is there any downside?" "Minor translation issues." "They either said 'plastic' or 'the spleen of a pig-footed bandicoot.'" "We don't have any plastic." SPLEENS

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2006's comic on:


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I got the latest numbers from Yvonne. "How's Yvonne doing with the sextuplets now that her house burned down and she had shoulder surgery?" "It didn't come up."