Fake Excuses Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

142 Results for Fake Excuses

View 41 - 50 results for fake excuses comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Excuses" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!

Carol Has Passion For Her Job

Thank you for voting.
Carol Has Passion For Her Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #boredom, #boring, #email, #fake passion, #forwarded email, #mindless, #passion, #success, #warren buffet, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Warren Buffett says my career will be better if I show passion for my job. I'll have to fake the passion because everything I do in this job is mindless and boring. Later. Carol: Woo-hoo! I forwarded an email!

Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert's External Brain Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #first impressions, #personality, #fake, #honesty, #negativity, #negative, #criticism, #dating, #attraction, #relationships, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an external brain stimulator to regulate my moods. Woman: That means your personality is artificial. How can I be attracted to a fake person? Dilbert: Are you saying your baseline personality is an unpleasant drunk? Woman: What?

Boss Tweets Fake News

Thank you for voting.
Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #mobile (cell) phones, #talk, #window

View Transcript

Transcript

The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Wally's Dental Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.

Traffic App

Thank you for voting.
Traffic App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #lying, #app, #technology, #busted, #caught

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?

Fake Email From The Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Fake Email From The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virus, #infection, #malware, #technology, #typo, #literacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.

Did Not Know About The Server

Thank you for voting.
Did Not Know About The Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #excuses, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: It's been six months now and you still haven't fixed our server issue. Dilbert: I didn't know we had a server issue. Boss: That's no excuse. Dilbert: Actually, it's kind of a good excuse. Boss: Now you're making excuses for your excuses!

Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby

Thank you for voting.
Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #office workers, #trick, #work, #adoption, #morality

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work. Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible. Wally: And brilliant. Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.