Feel Like Idiot Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for feel like idiot comic strips. Discover the best "Feel Like Idiot" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bought entire era system, #software, #money, #boat sinkiing, #anchor to head, #staff, #out of money, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We inadvertently bought an entire ERP system without any software. Now we're out of money." Asok says, "Why do I suddenly feel like my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?" The Boss says, "If only someone on my staff could write the software in his spare time..." Asok says, "Glub glub glub"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #graphics dept, #approve outisde services, #forcing to fail, #justify budget, #my cubicle, #imagine futility

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Dilbert says, "Our graphics department is too busy to help me and won't approve outside services." Dilbert says, "They're forcing me to fail so they can justify a bigger budget next year." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle trying to imagine what futility doesn't feel like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #report, #oil rigs, #explode, #medicine, #bacteria, #pharmaceuticals, #government, #share holder, #success, #lie

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The Boss says, "I'm happy to report that none of our oil rigs exploded." The Boss says, "Our children's pharmaceuticals are not tainted with bacteria, and the government is not investigating our financial practices." The Boss says, "All we're doing is quietly losing share-holder value." CEO says, "I knew it would feel like success if we kept at it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cheer up, #happiness, #comparing yourself, #reference group, #successful member, #psychology

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Dilbert says, "I feel like a failure. Say something to cheer me up?" Dogbert says, "Happiness comes from comparing yourself to a reference group that is relatively worse off." Dogbert says, "You're a successful member of the reference group." Dilbert says, "And that's not nothing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #rules, #ridiculous, #nervous, #shaking, #worried, #stupidity, #business

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The boss says, "We won a huge government contract." The boss says, "Now we need to follow all of our company policies plus every government procurement rule." Dilbert says, "I feel like I'm being smothered by a damp mattress!" The boss says, "That's what victory feels like!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talking, #asking, #emotions, #angry, #hatred, #annoyed, #mean

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The Boss says, "Carol, I want you to feel more emotionally invested in the vision and mission of the company." Carol says, "My only emotion is anger. You can have as much of it as you want." The boss says, "Maybe I can inspire you with my leadership." Carol says, "I feel like I'm wearing concrete underpants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #invested, #wallpapering fog, #ideas

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CEO: I didn't understand anything you just said. Go away. The Boss: "Our CEO doesn't like your idea. He didn't say why." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel like you're wallpapering fog?" Wally: "I don't get that invested."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Your project came in 10% over budget." "Actually, it came in at exactly what I estimated." "You cut my budget by 10% because you wanted to feel like a leader." "I assume you'll give me a huge raise to reward my excellent estimating ability." "Why can't you be like Wally? His project budget was $10,000,000 and he only spent $147." "If you're so smart, explain that!" "That's hard to explain without using the phrase 'You gullible toad.'" "I'm next. What kind of mood is he in?" "Not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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First Date "Do you feel like doing some conversation?" "Okay. I love talking." "Do you like politics?" "No." "Science and technology?" "Not really." "War?" "No." "Sports?" "No." "Current events?" "No." "What's left?" "I like to talk about my hair." "Um...okay, we can try that." "This brown is a browner brown than I wanted." "Right. Are we done with hair?"