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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #annoying rodent, #cutest briefcase, #following to work, #ratbert, #work to engineer, #career in marketing

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Ratbert walks behind Dilbert who is carrying a briefcase. Ratbert says, "I'm following you to work." Ratbert continues, "I'll start out as an annoying rodent but with hard work and training I'll work my way up to engineer." Dilbert says, "May I suggest a career in marketing?" Ratbert holds up his tiny briefcase and says, "Is this the cutest little briefcase or what?!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #stay engineer, #career in mangement, #engineer, #dark side, #found probelm, #engineering

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Dilbert sits on his couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dilbert says, "I can't decide if I should stay with engineering or pursue a career in management." Dilbert continues, "In my heart I'm an engineer but I hear a voice calling me to the dark side." Dogbert looks behind the couch and sees a man dressed as a devil. Dogbert says, "I found your problem." The devil says, "Boy is my face red."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #team leader, #raise, #no extra money, #responsibility, #best epople, #leave better companies, #recognize them

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm promoting you to team leader." Dilbert asks, "Do I get a raise?" The Boss replies, "There's no extra money, just extra responsibility. It's how we recognize our best people." Dilbert says, "I thought all the good people leave for better companies." The Boss walks away saying, "That's another way to recognize them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1995's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #run comapony, #only female engineer, #watch discrimination, #coffee wenches

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice stand outside a conference room holding folders. Alice says, "In a way, I'm glad the Elbonians run this company now." As they take their seats at the conference table, Alice smiles and says, "After years of being the only female engineer I'll enjoy watching the Elbonians discriminate against you guys." The Elbonian sitting next to Alice hands her a mug and says, "I didn't realize you had coffee wenches in this country too." Alice looks furious. Wally says to the Elbonian, "I hope you don't want children, Yorgi." A caption reads, "Continued . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alice, #casual friday, #tan pants, #business casual, #unattractive, #unorofessional, #fashion opinion, #engineer matters

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Alice walks past Wally's cubicle. Wally says, "Well, it wouldn't be Friday if I didn't see Alice wearing her one pair of tan pants." Wally continues, "I love the 'business casual' look for the way it combines unattractive with unprofessional while diminishing neither." Alice responds, "Do you think the fashion opinion of a male engineer matters to me??" Dilbert enters wearing the same print shirt and pants as Alice. Dilbert yells, "Twins!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 1995's comic on:


Tags #iso 900 audit, #documented job, #auditor asks, #engineer, #engineering

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "We're having an ISO 9000 audit this week." The Boss continues, "Take a look at your documented job descriptions and make sure that it's what you're doing if the auditor asks." Looking at his job description, Dilbert says, "According to this I'm some sort of engineer." Wally, looking at his, says, "As if we'd have time for that . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #hired, #audit, #perfect job, #give money, #call dolts, #alice, #engineer, #makes slides, #eat donuts, #engineering

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Dogbert says to Alice, "I've been hired by your company to perform an ISO 9000 audit." Looking at his laptop PC, Dogbert says, "Basically, you give me money and I tell you that you're a bunch of dolts. It's the perfect job for me." Dogbert continues, "Tell me what you do here, Alice, if that's your real name." Alice replies, "I'm an engineer. I make slides that people can't read. Sometimes I eat donuts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #beta prodcut, #fix problems, #logically impossible, #schedule, #manager, #not engineer

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The Boss and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "How long will it take to fix any problems we find in our beta product?" Dilbert answers, "It is logically impossible to schedule for the unknown." The Boss says, "Try to think as a manager, not as an engineer." Dilbert says, "In that case, we'll fix the problems before we find them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #lousy vendor, #sales rep, #gorgeous, #field engineer, #without shirt, #indian chief, #maintenance package

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Alice stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I can't believe you're recommending this lousy vendor just because the sales rep is gorgeous." Wally hands Alice a photograph and says, "Here's a picture of Thor, their field engineer." Alice stares at the picture and asks, "Does he really work without a shirt?" Wally answers, "Only if you but the 'Indian Chief' maintenance package."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #engineer, #lightbulb, #jokes, #personal, #steamroller, #equator

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Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and asks, "Want to hear some engineer jokes?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dogbert says, "Six: one to hold the bulb and five to argue about how to rotate it on this side of the equator." Dogbert giggles. Dogbert says, "What's the difference between a fungus and an engineer? A fungus can grow on you . . ." He laughs. Dogbert asks, "What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller?" Dilbert says, "Spot." Dogbert leaves the room and says, "We were having such a good time until he started getting personal."