Glass Half Empty Comic Strips - Page 5

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236 Results for Glass Half Empty

View 41 - 50 results for glass half empty comic strips. Discover the best "Glass Half Empty" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsized, #good news, #half huge raises, #same people, #ran numbers

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "The good news is that half of you will get huge raises." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that half of you will be downsized tomorrow." Dilbert turns and says, "Is it the same people?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, we ran the numbers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blank cd, #demo, #empty case, #forgetting blank cd, #new product, #software, #travel, #travelled four hours, #unit, #once we write, #engineering

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Dilbert approaches a receptionist and says, "I have an appointment to see a demo of your new product." The salesman holds up a box and says to Dilbert, "And the unit will be in a case like this, but completely different, and it will have software, once we write it." Dilbert holds the box and says, "You let me travel four hours to see an empty case?" The salesman replies, "Are you forgetting the blank CD?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corner cubicle, #window control, #mad woman, #giant magnifiying glass, #life support

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Dilbert approaches Wally and says, "Alice moved into the corner cubicle and claimed control over the window shades!" Wally exclaims, "Gaaa!!" Dilbert says, "Our life support systems will be in the hands of a madwoman!" Wally is sweating and panicked. He says, "Maybe she'll be kind." Alice is holding on to a giant magnifying glass that she's attached to her cubicle wall."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #giant magnifying glass, #death ray, #too warm, #head too warm

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Catbert says to Alice, "Alice, I understand you've been using a giant magnifying glass as a death ray in the office." Alice responds, "It's not a death ray, I use it only to burn off toupees." Catbert replies, "Oh.. that's okay." A co-worker asks Dilbert, "Is your head too warm? My toupee is too warm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extortion magazine, #more ad space, #week old spit, #half page ad

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Carol hands The Boss a magazine and says, "Our products got reviewed in the new issue of 'Extortion Magazine.'" The Boss reads, "If they had bought more ad space in this magazine, we would not compare their products to week-old spit." Carol says, "It's better than last month." The Boss responds, "I'll bet we can get to 'day-old' with another half-page ad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #joke, #human rsources, #psychologically damaged, #empty shell, #always been, #hungry

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"Wally, did you complain to human resources about my off-color e-mail joke?" "Yes. I was psycologically damaged by your mirth. Now I'm an empty shell of a man." "You've ALWAYS been an empty shell of a man!!!" "This is making me hungry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #naive, #whats wrong, #pat your head, #condescending, #empty handed

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Dilbert stands in the boss' office. Dilbert says, "So that's my idea. What do you think?" The boss says, "Dilbert, you are so naive." The boss says, "There are many things you don't understand." Dilbert says, "That's because you never tell me anything!" The boss says, "Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert.." Dilbert says, "Like now for example!" Dilbert says, "Jeepers Cripes! Just tell me what is wrong with my idea!" The boss motions to the side of his desk and says, "LEan over here so I can pat your head in a condescending way." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on their couch at home. Dogbert says, "So you took the pat?" Dilbert says, "I didn't want to leave empty-handed"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failed ceo, #worth 100 million, #all reverse, #head in glass, #successful engineer, #kind of funny

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RAtbert: You're a successful engineer and I'm a failed CEO. It's kind of funny that I'm worth $100 million and you're not. " It's funny because it's all reverse of how it should be." Dilbert: "It's funny because your head wouldn't normally fit inside a glass."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #last doughnut, #last half, #xenos, #switch, #hard liquor

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Dilbert: No one ever wants to tae more than half or whats left of the last doughnut. Thats why I call it xenon doughnut. HEE HEE! Waitress: I heard some of that, do you want to switch to hard liquor? Woman: Hurry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cure uselessness, #glass hammer, #bag of nothing, #borrow a pen

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Catbert says, "Wally, I enrolled you in a program to cure uselessness." Catbert says, "Your classmates will be a glass hammer and a bag of nothing." Wally says, "Can I borrow a pen?" A bag says, "Dude, no arms."