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The Boss approaches Tina and says, "...so Tina, you shouldn't have..." Tina thinks to herself, "I'm in trouble. Must use secret weapon." Tina begins to cry and scream, "WAAH!! WAAH!! Everybody hates me no matter what I do!!" Alice leans over her cubicle and says, "Thanks, that lowered the glass ceiling about a foot." Tina replies, "I plan to marry a rich guy."
Dilbert hands the boss a piece of paper and says, "This is the bare minimum budget I need for my project." The boss says, "What could you do with half of this amount?" Dilbert says, "Fail." The boss says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "I think I just did."
Dilbert leans his head in the Boss's office and says, "I'm going to do some personal business during my lunch hour." Dilbert continues, "Normally I would work through lunch." Dilbert says, "But this will take a full hour." Dilbert turns to leave and says, "It would only take two minutes if I used the Internet." Dilbert turns back towards the Boss and wags his finger, saying, "But the internet is for business use only!" The Boss stares as Dilbert says, "Our company has a limited number of zeroes and ones." Dilbert holds out his arms and says, "When they're gone, they're gone. Furthermore..." Wally looks at Dilbert and asks, "You mocked him for a full hour?" Dilbert says, "Now it's time to eat."
Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Wally says: "In this week's Wally report, I'll discuss a serious threat to my productivity." Wally says: "By Tuesday my brain was so full that I had to forget things to make room for new things." Alice looks to Wally through the coner of her eyes. The boss says: "Wally. I have some information for you." Wally says: "Great. I'll just forget the fifth grade."
Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."
Dilbert says to Carol, "Carol, I need to reserve the glass-walled conference room by the main lobby." Carol replies, "The 'Fish Bowl' is only available to attractive employees. We don't want to scare visitors." Dilbert says, "I want a second opinion." Carol replies, "Very well. I'll convene the tribunal of admin assistants."
Carol says, "The tribunal of Admin Assistants will hear the case of..." Carol continues, "The man who is too unattractive to use the glass-walled conference room versus humanity." Dilbert exclaims, "You put the verdict in the name of the case!" Carol replies, "We're efficient."
Carol says, "The tribunal of Admin Assistants has reached a decision." Carol continues, "Dilbert is not attractive enough to use the glass-walled conference room near the lobby." Dilbert asks, "Can I appeal?" Carol responds, "Apparently not."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "The good news is that half of you will get huge raises." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that half of you will be downsized tomorrow." Dilbert turns and says, "Is it the same people?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, we ran the numbers."
The Boss points to a slide and says, "We'll save money by outsourcing our I.T. function." The Boss continues, "Then we'll save more money by replacing our outsourcing with full-time employees!" Wally responds, "When it's time for us to panic, will there be a warning sound, or was that it?"