Goals For Th Eyear Comic Strips - Page 5
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75 Results for Goals For Th Eyear
View 41 - 50 results for goals for th eyear comic strips. Discover the best "Goals For Th Eyear" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday September 24,
1991
Tags Dogbert, ratbert, visualization, achieve, hunk, cheese, visualizing, world, ruler
Transcript
Dogbert and Ratbert stand on the edge of a cliff. Dogbert says, "I come up here and use visualization to achieve my goals." Dogbert continues, "You can get anything you want by visualizing it." Ratbert replies, "Wow! I've got to try that!" Dogbert says, "I'm the ruler of the world." Ratbert says, "You're a big hunk of cheese."
Thursday June 16,
1994
Tags bank off head, coach, field, game, glasses, goal, soccer, strike, team players, Sports
Transcript
Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.
Friday June 17,
1994
Tags ball, bonk, Dilbert, head bounce, make goal, soccer game, strike, uses head bonk
Transcript
BONK Dilbert: Gee, Ive scored five goals that way. Liz: you've got a good head for this game.
Wednesday August 17,
1994
Tags customer service, downsize, improve service
Transcript
The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...
Monday October 03,
1994
Tags consulting comany, executive compensation, ninety percent, overpaid, repeat business
Transcript
Dogbert: the dogcart consulting company has reviewed the executive compensation plan as you requested. My conclusion is that you're already hideously overpaid, Im recommending ninety percent pay cuts and a whack in th head for each of you. I"ll bet you don't get much repeat business. Dogbert: Oh yeah, as if Id want to spend more time with you.
Friday November 15,
1996
Tags long range career goal, arm wrestle, have job in six months, working for her, women college, confident and assertive
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."
Sunday January 02,
1994
Tags brain overload, experiences perceived, garbageman, illusions, inability to percieve, paths, physics, possibility, rat can't conceive, rats, time and motion
Transcript
Ratbert: What is reality, mister garbage man? Garbage man: are you sure you're ready for that, Ratbert? Ratbert: My mind is a blank slate! Garbageman: Okay...time and motion are just illusions created by your inability to perceive everything at once. Everything that is possible as a path you simply choose the path you wish to perceive. Th only things you can't change are the experiences you've already perceived. Ratbert: My head hurts. Garbageman: The contents of a garbage can are determined by what path I choose to perceive, not by what somebody else chose to discard. Ratbert: Brain overload! Hey theres a new VCR in here! Garbageman: Cmon, Im expecting some great videos in the Obriens can.
Sunday December 17,
1995
Tags taken vacation, use vacation days, work 7 days a week, year end review, artificial project, vacation target, mutually exclusive goal, frustration
Transcript
The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Alice, our records show that you haven't taken a vacation all year." The Boss continues, "Company policy requires you to use your vacation days." Alice says, "How?? You told me to work seven days a week to prepare the project for your boss's year-end review." Alice asks, "Do you want me to meet the artificial project target or the artificial vacation target?" Alice stands up and screams, "Hello!!! These are mutually exclusive goals!!! Hello!!!" Alice says, "Ooh . . . Sorry, I usually just think that last part in silent frustration." The Boss says, "Moving right along . . . Kudos to Wally for using all of his vacation days ahead of schedule." Alice looks furious. Wally says, "Get over it, Alice. We can't all be superstars."
Sunday March 29,
1998
Tags 2 percent raise, not challenging, exceeded golas, no complaining, walls performance, complained all year, weasel, stab him in back
Transcript
Alice is sitting at the Boss's desk. He tells her, "I can only give you a two percent raise this year, Alice." He adds, "Because your job was not very challenging." Alice asks, "How could you possibly not think it was challenging?" The Boss replies, "You exceeded all your goals without complaining." The Boss adds, "Compare that to Wally's performance. He complained all year." The Boss: "And he missed every goal! Now THAT'S a challenging job!" Alice shouts, "Wally is a filthy weasel!!!" As Alice leaves, furious, the Boss adds, "Maybe his hygiene isn't the best, but he was right when he said you would stab him in the back."