Guards Dont Lock Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Guards Dont Lock

View 41 - 50 results for guards dont lock comic strips. Discover the best "Guards Dont Lock" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happy birthday alice, #gift, #charity money, #team spitit, #ash tray, #dont smoke, #ashtray as gift

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice and Dilbert sit at a table. Wally stands at the table. Wally says, "Happy Birthday Alice!" Dilbert gives Alice a gift. Wally says, "I was planning to get a gift..." Wally continues, "But then I thought...". Alice takes the gift from Dilbert. Wally says, "Why not give the money to a charity in Alice's name?" Alice asks, "Really? Which charity?" Wally says, "Ummm...'The United Society of Poor People with Major Health Problems'." Alice opens Dilbert's gift. Alice says, "...And Dilbert got me an ashtray even though I don't smoke." Dilbert says, "You don't?" Wally and Dilbert sit at the table. Alice's seat is empty. Alice has left her gift on the table. Wally says, "They say this sort of thing builds team spirit." Dilbert says, "It must be gradual."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good morning, #convince they don't exist, #no pay

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks by the boss and says, "Good morning!" The boss continues to walk by. Dilbert says, "I said, good morning." The boss says, "If I convince them they don't exist, I won't have to pay them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bathrobe, #30% raise, #dont quit, #terry cloth rebel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert wears a bathroom and carries a briefcase. Dilbert walks by the boss. The boss thinks, "A bathrobe! This can only mean he found out how much market power an engineer has." The boss says, "I'll give you a 30% raise if you don't quit!!" Dilbert says, "Um.. okay." A women with several piercings says, "Take me, you terry-cloth rebel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont understand, #follow a process, #failed thirty times, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands at desk of The Boss and says, "Here's what I don't understand..." Dilbert says, "You just asked me to follow a process that has failed thirty times in a row and you know it." Dilbert says, "At what point can this no longer be called 'optimism'?" The Boss says, "When it succeeds?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ruin career, #upstart embryo, #replaces me, #volunteers, #give constructive criticism, #human resources, #don't like attitude, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stares at the embryo on the desk. Wally thinks, "I'd better ruin the career of this upstart embry before he replaces me." Catbert arrives at the cubicle and says, "I need volunteers to give constructive criticism to human resources." Catbert walks down the hall holding the embryo. Catbert says, "I don't like your attitude."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus is 5%, #don't feel bad, #salary, #salary differences, #the boss, #intern ages, #inequity, #allow to feel bad, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss gives an envelope to Asok and says: "Asok, your bonus is only 5% this year.Don't feel bad; I only got 5% too." Asok says to the boss: "But 5% of your salary is four times more than 5% of my salary." Asok says to the boss: "May I feel bad about that?" The boss answers: "Sure. Go wild!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #self paced, #online training, #sharpen my saw, #subject, #don't know subject, #confusing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit together at a table. Wally says to the Boss, "I've been taking a self-paced online training course to sharpen my saw". The Boss replies, "What's the subject?" Wally answers, "I don't know." Frustrated with Wally's response, the Boss throws both arms in the air and yells, "How could you not know?" Wally answers, "What part of self-paced is confusing you?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #radio, #sing, #don't like to talk, #hum, #pretend radio, #no talking dates

View Transcript

Transcript

Ming says to Dilbert as he drives, "I don't like to talk on dates. Do you mind if I hum?" Dilbert replies, "That's okay. I'll pretend you're the radio." Ming begins to hum. Dilbert thinks to himself, "I need a new radio."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #rude or shy, #rudy, #shilo, #don't know name, #boss introductions, #no one knows, #name him

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is standing with a worker and says to Dilbert, "Here's the new guy. I don't know his name." The boss continues, "He's either rude or shy. No one knows for sure." The boss says, "If you figure it out, name hime either Shilo or Rudy."