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Dilbert looks out the window and says, "Looks like the police found your trail, Dogbert. You'd better hide." A police officer says to Dilbert, "We're looking for a dog who destroyed half of the city. Does this sketch look familiar?" Dilbert looks at the drawing and replies, "Yeah . . . It's 'Mister Potato Head' . . . or maybe 'Ziggy.'" The officer says, "We gotta get a better artist."
Dilbert stands in a hole and says to Dogbert, "Clyde Canyon looked a lot bigger on the travel brochure." Dilbert continues, "I wonder if an optimist would say this canyon is half full or half empty?" Dogbert replies, "Half baked." Dilbert points at a corner of the hole and says, "We can establish a base camp over here."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "I've decided to be the center of the universe." Dogbert continues, "All of the things in the universe can now be described in terms of their relationship to me." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a rock. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why you're doing this." Dogbert replies, "That's because your brain is only a half-Dogbert."
Dilbert thinks, "The other engineers shun me because I'm assigned to work on the budget." Wally covers his eyes as he walks by Dilbert and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "They know I could pounce any moment and asks inane hypothetical budget questions." A man covers his eyes and thinks, "Shun." Dilbert asks a woman, "What if you only had half as much electricity next year?" The woman covers her eyes and says, "Too late. I shunned you."
Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert sits on the desk. Ratbert says, "Sometimes I think I'm not reaching my full potential as a rat." Dilbert replies, "You're right. In the Middle Ages, disease-carrying rats wiped out half of the human population of Europe." Ratbert says, "I think I've got a little temperature. Feel my forehead." Dilbert says, "Face it, your glory days are past."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Do you realize the government takes half of all the money you make?" Dogbert continues, "And the majority of people are too young to vote, or didn't bother to vote, or voted for the loser. . . . And nobody alive voted for our constitution." Dilbert replies, "It's never good when you have these insights." Dogbert says, "I've decided to levy my own tax on people."
Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"
CEO: We'll give you sixty billion for the "dogcart static network" half f that will be stock in our company. Dogbert: Who would want stock in a company that would pay city billion for static? CEO: Not us thats the point. Dogbert: Id like it all in mercury dimes.
The Boss: "I saw the code for your computer program yesterday." "It looked easy. It's just a bunch of typing. And half the words were spelled wrong." "And don't get me started about your over-use of colons." Dilbert: "They remind me of you, sir."
Dogbert: My market research indicates that 50 % of your customers are above the median age. But the shocking discovery was that 50 % were below the median age. The Boss: what percent are exactly the median age? Dogbert: Im proposing to study that impasse two.