Horns And Tail Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dilbert lies in bed, under the covers. Dogbert stands on Dilbert's stomach. Dogbert says, "I can no longer hold this inside." Dogbert says, "You call that breathing??! Get the other nostril involved!" Dogbert walks away. Dogbert wags his tail. Dogbert thinks, "I wonder if he'll ever realize that I just enjoy yelling."
Dogbert stands on Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I'm going to teach morons how o get high-level jobs." Dilbert says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "I'm addicted to wagging." Dogbert's tail wags. Dilbert says, "Carry on." Dogbert stands in front of three messy men with vacant eyes. They all have their tongues out. Dogbert says, "Now turn your ear clockwise to get your tongue back in."
Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."
Dilbert is preparing for a date. He combs his hair. Dogbert sits on the bed and says, 'Women like men who have accomplishments. But they hate men who boast." Dogbert says, "I will be your designated bragger, allowing you to appear humble." Dilbert says, "One potential problem with this plan is that I have no accomplishments." Dogbert says, "If she isn't wearing makeup, we'll be honest, too." His tail wags.
The rodeo clown runs after the boss and says, "wah-wah! Woo-Woo!" The rodeo clown sticks his tongue out and waves his hands around. The boss snorts and charges like a bull, his hair like horns. The rodeo clown pulls himself out of the way using a cubicle wall. Wally and Dilbert watch over the walls of thier cubicle. Dilbert says, "Just as I suspected, the new guy is a rodeo clown." Wally says, "he's fast."
Dogbert sits at a table with the boss. Dogbert wears a turban. Dogbert says, "You must use the stars as your management guide." The boss says, "Does that work?" The boss says, "If you believe it works, then you're not bright enough to make your own decisions anyway." Dogbert wags his tail. Dogbert says, "So randomness is probably an improvement." The boss says, "Q.E.D."
Dogbert sit at a computer. Caption: "Dogbert's Tech Support" Dogbert says, on the phone "You'll need to do a hard reboot. Listen carefully." Dogbert says, "Rent a van and fill it with stolen dynamite. Park it near the power company's main relay station." Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert wags his tail and says on the phone, "...Now aim the bazooka at the van."
Caption: "Dogbert Consults" Sogbert stands on the boss's desk. DOgbert says, "Eliminate phone support for your product. Provide help only via the internet." Dogbert's tail wags and he says, "Then discourage people by making them answer an ominous list of personal questions." Man looks terrified in front of his computer the computer screen reads, "1. What is your home address? 2. When do you shower?"
Dilbert stands with a coffee cup behind Dogbert who wags his tail and types at his computer. Dilbert says, "What's your new management book about?" Dogbert types and says, "It's a bunch of obvious advice packaged with quotes from famous dead people." Dilbert says, "Did Gandhi really say "Get that #!% dessert cart off my foot!"?" Dogbert says, "He might have."
Caption: "Dogbert gets a loan" Dogbert sits across the desk from a bank executive. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "I plan to buy all the copies of hte book I authored, thus making it a bestseller." Dogbert says, "And I'd like to use your house as collateral. Unless it's a dump." The banker says, "How are you planning to pay us back?" dogbert says, "Do you take books?"