Hot Stock Tips Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

246 Results for Hot Stock Tips

View 41 - 50 results for hot stock tips comic strips. Discover the best "Hot Stock Tips" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compensation lan, #good news, #stock options, #updated agreement, #mugging

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Good news about your compensation plan . . ." Dilbert says, "I hate good news about my compensation plan." The Boss says, "Twenty percent of your pay will now be in the form of stock options instead of cash!" The Boss says, "To get your stock options, simply sign this updated employment agreement." Dilbert asks, "Why does good news feel like a mugging?"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock options, #sign agreement, #yada yada

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the couch and Dilbert sits on the floor looking at a contract. Dilbert says, "My company won't give me my stock options unless I sign this new employment agreement." Dogbert reaches for the document and says, "Here." Dogbert says, "Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada." Dilbert asks, "What do you think?" Dogbert replies, "I'm not reading it. I just like to look at documents and go yada, yada, yada."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thermostat wars, #warm for you, #too hot, #compromise, #temprature, #shirtless men

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Thermostat wars." Wally stands behind Alice's desk wearing only a tie and his underwear. He says, "Be reasonable, Alice. When it's warm enough for you, it's too hot for normal humans." Wally continues, "Logically, you could wear a sweater. But there's nothing I can do to be less warm. Therefore, you must compromise." Dilbert asks, "Did she buy the argument?" Dilbert is also wearing a tie and boxer shorts. Wally holds a mirror and an electric razor. He replies, "No. But I'm going to shave my back and take another run at it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #added billions, #create system, #employee of the week, #hire experts, #product process, #stock value, #new internet product

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "We've identified the people who will create the system to develop a product process." Dilbert points at a newspaper and continues, "While we were doing that, our competitor created a new Internet product that added a billion dollars to their stock value." Dilbert says, "Experts attribute the company's success to their 'employee of the week' program." The Boss says, "Quick! Hire those experts!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #hands of death, #protest, #movie, #boycott, #redhead, #hot tempered, #ignorant, #stereotype, #boycot, #pound, #pulp, #sean, #dennis

View Transcript

Transcript

Two men form a picket line in front of a movie theater showing a movie titled, "Hands of Death." Dogbert walks around the corner. Dogbert asks one of the men holding a sign, "Why are you protesting against this movie?" The man replies, "It portrays red heads as hot tempered and ignorant." Dogbert asks, "How many red heads are in the movie?" The man replies, "One. But the point is, red heads don't fit their stereotype of being hot tempered and ignorant." Dogbert says, "Actually, ignorance was never a stereotype of red heads until you brought it up here." The man yells at the other protester, "Sean, you idiot! I told you!" Sean replies, "Shut up, Dennis! I'll pound you to a pulp!!" As they fight each other, Dogbert adds, "And 'boycott' is spelled with a double 'T.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysts, #got a raise, #growth, #lazy ones, #open book management, #smooth earnigs, #stock market, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "So you see, if you got a raise, our earnings growth wouldn't be so smooth." The Boss asks, "And smooth earnings are good for who?" Asok ventures a guess, "Stock market analysts?" The Boss corrects him, "Specifically, the lazy ones." Asok says, "I'm fine. Now that I understand."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #open book management, #repurchasing stock, #unpaid overtime, #ignorance is bliss, #highly motivated

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands before a manager, possibly the Boss. He says, "I appreciate your new "open book management" philosophy." Dilbert continues, "For example, I've learned that we're repurchasing stock while I'm working unpaid overtime." Dilbert says, "Yet I remain highly motivated because I understand that income and equity are distinct concepts." The manager says, "Who said ignorance is bliss? Ha!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plundered, #downsized, #equity, #massive stock options, #victory seems hollow, #meaningful contribition, #book deal, #trophy wife

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks by empty cubicles. He thinks, "I've downsized this company and plundered its equity by excercising my massive stock options." A chauffer holds the door as Dogbert gets into his limosine and thinks, "Yet my victory seems hollow. Something is missing." Dogbert sits on the couch with Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Maybe you're missing a sense of meaningful contribution to society." Dogbert relies, "Maybe... but I'm thinking book deal and trophy wife."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #above salary midpoint, #stock options, #interpersonal skills

View Transcript

Transcript

In The Boss's office, The Boss tells Alice, "I can't give you a raise because you're above the salary midpoint. But at least your stock options are doing great!" Alice says, "I don't have any stock options." The Boss says, "Oh. I'm probably thinking of me." The Boss says, "Next, it says I should coach you on your interpersonal skills."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #home, #safety, #tips, #appliances, #children, #billy, #household, #vote, #election, #communist, #regime, #television, #window, #televangelist

View Transcript

Transcript

The panel contains the title, "Dogbert's Home Safety Tips." Dogbert says, "It could save your life!" The caption says, "Tip #1: Children can swallow anything smaller than a sofa. Attach boards to vulnerable appliances." Dogbert attaches a piece of wood to a toaster while a baby watches. The infant tries to swallow the toaster and the board sticks out of his mouth. Dogbert says, "Ha ha! Nice try, Billy!" The caption says, "Tip #2: Your household may have a member who can legally vote but probably shouldn't." Dogbert stands next to a man in a chair and says, "Try tricking them into missing the election." Dogbert tells the man, "We're a communist regime now. You don't have to vote." The man says, "Shoot!" The caption says, "Tip #3: Your television is trying to steal your life's savings." A man on tv says, "I personally pray over every check you send." Dogbert tosses the television out a window and says, "Your only hope is to push your television out a high window." The caption says, "If everybody does it, we just might get lucky." The tv falls toward the televangelist who is walking on the sidewalk below.