Human Way Comic Strips - Page 5

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990 Results for Human Way

View 41 - 50 results for human way comic strips. Discover the best "Human Way" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dircetor, #boss didn't see struggle, #low performance, #alice, #human resources binder, #downsize

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Alice sits across from Catbert's desk. She says, "I was so good at my job that I never needed to bother my boss, but he gave me a low rating because he didn't see me struggling." Catbert replies, "I must refer to my human resources binders to see how to deal with this." Catbert looks at a bookcase filled with binders. Most of the binders are labeled "Downsize" and a few are labeled "Hire Losers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #human stupidity, #simple interface, #point at people

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the backrest holding a device. Dogbert says, "My invention can detect human stupidity." Dogbert explains, "It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people." Dilbert asks, "Then what does it do?" Dogbert asks, "Why would it need to do anything else?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 1997's comic on:


Tags #demeaning insulting, #director, #human resources, #learned helplessness, #managerial influence, #new job title, #new card, #business

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Dilbert waves his arms angrily and says, 'Our new job titles from human resources are demeaing and insulting!" Dilbert stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "You've got to use your managerial influence to do something!" The Boss holds a business card and says, "My new card..." Wally stands at his cubicle and asks, "How'd it go?" Dilbert replies, "I don't expect much help from the "Director of Learned Helplessness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #network systems, #software manual, #manuals, #mean spirirted, #meet half way, #door, #window

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Dobert and Wally stand looking through a window in a door. Books are stacked on the other side. Dogbert says, "The software manuals are locked in this room." Dogbert continues, "I don't let users have manuals, for reasons that could only be described as mean-spirited." Wally presses himself against the glass and says, "Is there any way we can meet half-way on this?" Dogbert says, "Hey, that door didn't always have a window."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #quit, #work from home, #human contact, #testing email, #miss humans

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Dilbert walks into the conference room for a staff meeting. He thinks, "Maybe I should quit and work for myself from home." Dilbert sits down at the table and thinks, "I would miss all the human contact." Dilbert thinks, "Same as now." The Boss walks in and says, "I'm testing my e-mail. Did you get the 'e' I sent?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #boss prevents new job, #great job, #outrageous, #bad situation worse, #human resource promise

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Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

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"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #most diabolical work, #director, #human resources, #play, #hundreds employees, #evil mister, #strap a broom, #buttocks, #marketing, #more meetings, #five minutes, #business

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Catbert stands at his desk. He says, "Hee hee! This is my most diabolical work yet as director of human resources." Catbert continues, "Thanks to e-mail I can play with hundreds of employees at once!" Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . A message from the evil Mister Catbert." The message says, "In order to reduce our janitorial expenses . . ." Alice thinks, "That's a phrase you don't want to see." Wally reads, "Every engineer will be required to strap a broom to his or her . . ." Wally walks down the hall with a broom attached to his back. Wally and Dilbert stand outside a conference room. Wally says to Dilbert, "On the positive side, marketing invites us to a lot more meetings now." A man inside the room says, "Five minutes; we're still eating cookies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #daughter, #cub girl cookies, #volume level, #downsizer, #low performer, #fast tracker, #united way chairperson

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I'll be writing your performance review this afternoon." The Boss continues, "But this morning I'm helping my daughter sell cub girl cookies." The Boss continues, "For your shopping convenience I have assigned a name to each volume level." Dilbert reads, "Zero to four boxes is the 'downsizer' volume . . ." Dilbert reads, "Five to eight boxes is the 'low performer' volume level." Dilbert writes on the order form and says, "Let's say six hundred boxes." The Boss says, "Ahh . . . The 'fast tracker.' An excellent choice." Dilbert asks, "What's your daughter's name?" The Boss says, "Ooh . . . Gotta go." Wally says, "I only bought twelve boxes. Now I'm the 'United Way' chairperson." Dilbert says, "I just signed your name for six hundred more."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #getting stupid, #increasing geometrically, #slow trickle, #gushing, #firehouse, #teacup, #crossroads in history, #functionally stupid, #leader, #vision, #fog, #human incompetence

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "People are getting stupider every day, relatively speaking." Dogbert continues, "The complexity of the world is increasing geometrically." Dogbert continues, "But your ability to learn is at the same slow trickle it has always been." Dogbert climbs onto a rock and continues, "Information is gushing toward your brain like a firehose aimed at a teacup." Dogbert stands on the rock and continues, "You're at a crossroads in history. Even the smartest among you has become 'functionally stupid.'" Dogbert continues, "Your only hope is to choose a leader whose vision can penetrate the thick fog of human incompetence." Dogbert raises his paws and shouts, "Dogbert for Supreme Ruler of Earth!!" Dilbert sits on a rock and asks, "Do you want my opinion?" Dogbert says, "What are the odds of that?"