Search Results for "humans"
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Character
Wednesday May 08,
2002
Tags #interpersonal skills, #propaganda cd, #training cd, #intern, #looking for self imporvement
Transcript
Asok says to Catbert, "I would like to improve my interpersonal skills." Catbert responds, "Take this training CD back to your cube and go wild." Asok sits at his computer in fear as the CD says, "Humans are weak. Computers are strong. Come, join our side."
Tuesday September 06,
2005
Monday November 28,
2005
Tags #clone themsleves, #unethical, #morality, #self causing, #accepted norms, #garbageman
Transcript
"Why is it unethical for humans to clone themselves?" "Morality is based on accepted norms. And accepted norms are based on morality." "It's self causing?" "Ironically, yes."
Tuesday February 19,
2013
Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #joking, #new software, #interrupt you, #carpal tunnel, #replace humans
Transcript
Boss: The new software will interrupt you every five minutes so you don't get carpal tunnel. Dilbert: Aren't you worried the software will replace you? hee-hee! Boss: I don't get that. Dilbert: That's why it's funny.
Friday April 12,
2013
Tags #anger, #employees, #violence, #contradcited, #meeting, #fist of death, #robots, #no legal rights, #cardio, #oiled my pan, #business
Transcript
Alice: You contradicted me in a meeting today and I didn't appreciate it. I'm no allowed to use my fist of death on humans, but you robots have no legal rights. It's not personal. This is how I get my cardio. Robot: I just oiled my pan.
Friday August 02,
2013
Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #email, #text message, #voice mail, #note on desk, #turing test
Transcript
Dilbert: You didn't respond to my email, my text message, my voice mail, and the note I left on your desk. Do you know what they call humans who fail the Turing test? Boss: The what? Dilbert: Compared to you, high achievers.
Saturday October 26,
2013
Tags #conversation, #ignorance (knowledge), #futurists, #know how, #create entire universe, #brown bag lunches, #slurp
Transcript
Alice: Futurists say that someday humans will have the know-how to create an entire universe. Boss: Where would they put it? Alice: We should do these brown bag lunches less often.
Monday November 11,
2013
Tags #biometric sensor, #cruelty, #electric shock, #inventions, #prototype, #tasered, #test animals, #humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I added a biometric sensor to our smartphone prototype. ZZEEEP It uses x-rays. Boss: Maybe you should have tested it on animals first. Dilbert: Do I look like an animal hater?
Friday December 27,
2013
Tags #engineers, #internet & world wide web, #pride, #google, #smart, #pure energy, #life form, #gmail
Transcript
Boss; I hired an engineer from Google. He's so smart that he evolved into a life-form that exists as pure energy. Engineer: Bow before my greatness, you pitiful humans! Boss: Sometimes he's a bit arrogant. Engineer: I once added a feature to gmail!
Sunday October 19,
2014
Tags #artificial intelligence, #feelings, #nonverbal communication, #robots, #novelty, #read faces, #admiration, #arousal, #bacon, #differnces, #human vs. robot
Transcript
Boss: Robots are a clever novelty, but they will never be intelligent like humans. Dilbert: What would be an example of something your brain can do that a robot can't imitate? Boss: Well, for example, I can tell when a movie is good. Dilbert: If that were intelligence, all smart people would like the same movies. Boss: Well, I can also read human faces to know what people are feeling. Dilbert: What am I feeling right now? Boss: I'm picking up a mixture of admiration, arousal, and thoughts of bacon. Dilbert: Don't get cocky, but you won this round.