Incompetent Emplyees Comic Strips - Page 5

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63 Results for Incompetent Emplyees

View 41 - 50 results for incompetent emplyees comic strips. Discover the best "Incompetent Emplyees" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cash balance, #pension plan, #make more competetive, #good for young emplyees, #not good for old, #change back

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Wally, Catbet, Dilbert, Alice and Asok are in a meeting. Catbert says: "We're changing to a cash balance pension plan." Catbert says: "It will make the company much more competitive." Asok is sitting between an elder co-worker and Alice, Asok says: "Yippee!!! A cash balance plan is good for young employees!" The older employee stands up and says angrily to Asok: "Oh, yeah? Well it's not so good for me!" The older employee says: "I demand that you change it back!" Asok screams: "No!" The older employee throws himself on top of Asok who raises his arms in defense. The older employee says: "I'll snap you like a dried twig, you little zygote!" Asok says: "Ouch! Stop clubbing me with your artificial hip!!" Wally, Catbert and Dilbert watch the fight with no reaction. Wally says to Catbert and Dilbert: "On the plus side, they do seem more competitive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #references, #ex emplyees, #mazy loron, #rhyme

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Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert sits at his desk. The phone rings and Catbert thinks, "Evil." Catbert says into the telephone, "I'm sorry, I can't give references for ex- employees." Catbert continues, "But if I did, it would rhyme with 'mazy loron.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hire emplyees, #qaulified, #hore dumb people, #motivation

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Catbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "We can't afford to hire qualified employees." Catbert continues, "My plan is to hire dumb people and be angry at them." Catbert replies, "I forget - what's the word for pretending that people can change their basic nature?" The Boss replies, "Motivation?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #compnay, #synonymous with crime, #incompetence, #new logo, #computer graohics, #crime

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"Dogbert Consults." Dogbert: "Your company has become synonymous with incompetence and crime." "Stop trying to be all things to all people. Focus on either the incompetence OR the crime." "For your new logo, I used computer graphics to create a composite face that looks totally incompetent." "Wow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new employees, #sophie, #engineer, #incompetent husband, #agree to relocate, #talent, #addition, #squirrel heads, #engineering

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The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #campiagn, #employee happiness, #forbidden fruit, #no dating emplyees, #date each other

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2005's comic on:


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I made a fortune by being an incompetent CEO. Everyone called me crazy when I put my entire personal wealth into pigs and garbage dumps. "You invested all of your money in pigs and dumps?" "Invested? Now that would have been a good idea too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2006's comic on:


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I was wondering if you could stop by this weekend and show me how to install my wireless network. "Under what theory are the competent obliged to help the incompetent?" "Wow. This is awkward." "Watch what happens when I just stare at you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2000's comic on:


Tags #work place violence, #prevention training, #violent emplyees, #identify, #beards, #creepy, #ineffective males, #widely disprected

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Tina says to the group, "Welcome to workplace violence prevention training." Tina continues, "How can we identify potentially violent employees?" Wally raises his hand excitedly yelling, "Ooh! Ooh!" Tina says, "Wally?" Wally answers, "Do they have beards?" Tina replies, "Um...no. That was a stupid answer." Tina says, "Violent employees are usually creepy, inefficiently males who are widely disrespected." Dilbert raises his hand and asks Tina, "May I change seats?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #brain parasite, #eliminate redundancy, #executives, #lying, #mergers & acquisitions, #more choices

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Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?