Intellectual; Needs Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

141 Results for Intellectual; Needs

View 41 - 50 results for intellectual; needs comic strips. Discover the best "Intellectual; Needs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #slogan, #inspire, #Dilbert, #quality, #extra, #pay, #alice

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally, Brenda another employee, "What the department needs is a slogan to inspire us." The Boss continues, "Our new slogan is 'We Are Quality.'" A woman says, "Suddenly I feel like working long hours for no extra pay." The Boss says, "It's working!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #electronic, #world, #poll, #collective, #economic, #majority, #selfish, #ambitions, #democratic, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #coffee, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reaches for the coffee pot and thinks, "I'm the Boss. I can take the last bit of coffee without making a new pot." The Boss yells, "Look at me!! I'm taking the last drop!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dilbert says, "An actual human would feel guilt in this situation." The Boss says, "The pot needs washing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #business meeting, #customer, #stan, #programming, #computers science, #computer, #star trek

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with Stan and a customer. Stan says, "And our product has a thirty terabit RAM cache, just like your company needs. Tell him, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "It has no RAM." Stan continues, "And it's capable of detecting tachion field emissions." Dilbert says, "You're confusing use with 'Star Trek' again, Stan." Stan continues, "We'll build that stuff into the next free upgrade." The customer replies, "We'll take it!" Dilbert thinks, "Beam me up, Spock. There's no life on this planet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #reincarnation fund, #rich already, #customer, #needs help, #van

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Invest you money in my reincarnation fund and you'll be rich in a future life. Man: But I a rich in this life, for I have love in my heart and music in my soul. So, can you help me push my van home? Dogbert: It looks like you'll also have sharp pain in your muscles.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade boss computer, #cardboard prop, #came with desk, #new mother board, #new desk, #needs, #no actual computer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the publisher, #book, #minor changes, #purple dinosaur, #detective, #eliminate the murder, #murder mystery

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogbert the Publisher" "I'd like to publish your book. All it needs are a few minor changes." "Make the main character a purple dinosaur instead of a detective. Add some upbeat songs and eliminate the murder." "It's a murder mystery!!" "Oh, that's original."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #old computers, #spare wrokstaion, #screen saver

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "This is just great . . . We engineers have old IBM 286 PCs and you have a Sparc workstation." Wally continues, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only thing you know how to do is stare at the screen saver." The Boss stares at the monitor and thinks, "How does that ball keep bouncing?" Wally says as he walks away, "If anybody needs me I'll be scrolling some text."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sign, #business case, #web server, #crosses all deaportments, #every director, #evp, #ted griffin, #half eagle, #half lion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks the Boss, "Who needs to sign my business case to buy a web server?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . This crosses all departments. I fear it. Get the approval of every director, every VP, every EVP, plus Griffin." As Dilbert walks away he asks, "Do you mean Ted Griffin in finance or the mythical griffin beast that's half eagle, half lion?" The Boss answers, "Whichever is harder."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need secreatry, #six months now ork, #too busy, #secretary needs secreatry

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol, the Boss's secretary, tells him, "I need my own secretary. I'm too busy to help you unless I get some support." The Boss replies, "Too busy? You haven't done any work for me in six months." Carol says, "Oh, suddenly this is about YOU?"