Internal Clients Comic Strips - Page 5
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Character
51 Results for Internal Clients
View 41 - 50 results for internal clients comic strips. Discover the best "Internal Clients" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 08,
2015
Robot Dispenses Meds
Tags #technology, #medicine, #pill, #anxiety, #deception, #control, #manipulation
Transcript
Robot: My biosensors detect an onset of social anxiety. My internal 3-D printer is making the meds to fix you. I am ready to dispense. Please lie on the ground with your mouth open. Dilbert: This feels like a bad precedent.
Tuesday January 12,
2016
Charge All Hours To Projects
Tags #logic, #billing, #honesty, #fraud, #money, #time
Transcript
Boss: Make sure you charge 100 percent of your time to project codes. Dilbert: Are you asking us to fraudulently apply our miscellaneous hours to specific projects so we can overbill clients? Boss: It's not a crime if you pretend it was an accident. Dilbert: Did you learn that in "flaw" school?
Saturday April 28,
2018
Aggressive Littering
Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination
Transcript
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Tuesday May 01,
2018
Tracking Employee Theft
Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy
Transcript
Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.
Monday July 16,
2018
Elbonian Sales Video Assignment
Tags #culture, #catch-22, #misunderstanding, #communication
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.
Thursday February 14,
2019
Small Managers
Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #engineering, #frustration, #office workers, #sarcasm, #clients
Transcript
Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!
Monday July 29,
2019
Can't Succeed Within The Rules
Tags #business, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #rules, #success
Transcript
dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.
Thursday January 02,
2020
Inefficiency
Tags #managers & supervisors, #inefficient, #process, #obsolete, #market, #technology, #multidisciplinary, #systems, #fight, #fire
Transcript
alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.
Wednesday January 15,
2020
Violating Rules
Tags #managers & supervisors, #rules, #business, #audit, #employees, #company
Transcript
boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.
Thursday July 23,
2020
Empathy Sensor
Tags #business, #empathy, #feelings, #office workers, #psychology, #sad, #sensor, #story, #face mask
Transcript
tina wearing face mask: you did not have sufficient empathy when i told you my sad story. dilbert wearing face mask: how could you possible measure my internal feelings of empathy? tina: i used my empathy sensor. dilbert: that's a stapler.