Irrational Orders Comic Strips - Page 5

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52 Results for Irrational Orders

View 41 - 50 results for irrational orders comic strips. Discover the best "Irrational Orders" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #title, #meaningless, #proud, #mean, #cruel, #deflated, #orders, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says ,"Employees are so important to me that our head of human resources will get a C-level title." Dogbert says, "Edna will be our CPO, or Chief People officer." Dogbert says ,"Take a seat over there by the chief artificial coffee creamer officer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exhibitions, #honesty, #relations between the sexes, #chat me up, #mammary filter, #trade show, #free stuff, #job orders

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At the trade show Woman says, "Are you actually interested in this product or are you just trying to chat me up?" Dilbert says, "The show is too big to see everything, so I use a mammary filter to decide who I talk to." Woman says, "You use a what?" Dilbert says, "Do you have any free stuff or job offers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #orders, #leadership, #idiocy, #guessing, #confusion, #business

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #power (social sciences), #slaves, #a-b testing, #manipulate humans, #orange button, #mindless puppets, #legality

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Dogbert: Buwhahaha! I'm using A-B testing to manipulate irrational humans! Bend to my will and choose the orange button, you mindless click-puppets! Dilbert: And this is legal? Dogbert: I own you now!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #insult, #insulting, #insults, #obliviousness, #robot, #filling in, #vacation, #soul less creature, #questionable intelligence

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Boss: Our robot will be sitting in for me while I'm on vacation. I hope you can get used to taking orders from a soulless creature of questionable intelligence. Wally: I think I can do that. Boss: That's the spirit!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #expectation, #impossible, #irrational, #leadership, #motivation, #rationality

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Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.

Business Plan History

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Business Plan History - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #business plan, #futile, #futility, #goal, #guest artist, #logic, #plan, #john glynn

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Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.

Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide

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Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #irrational, #demands, #managers, #powerpoint, #nonsense

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Dilbert: It took me a hours to figure out how to fit everything you wanted into one slide. Boss: That's great. Now add in some stuff about the budget, our risks, and all of our competition. And keep it all on one slide. Dilbert: Have you ever listened to the noise coming from your mouth?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #failure, #inventions, #office workers, #power, #science, #success

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Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years. Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be. Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it? Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far. Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response. Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment. Dilbert: And there it is.