Know Anything Comic Strips - Page 5
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Caption: Somewhere in Elbonia. Dilbert stands waist high in snow holding his briefcase. Two Elbonians in big hats and long beards stand across from him. Dilbert says, "I've been sent to teach you cobol." Elbonian man says, "We don't have any computers." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I don't know cobol." Dilbert and the two Elbonians pretend to type on imaginary keyboards. Dilbert says, "...And if you had a keyboard, you would od this." Elbonian says, "Oops.. how do I delete?"
The Boss peaks into a cubicle and thinks, "What the ...?" The Boss walks into Alice's cubicle, points to something on her cubicle wall and says, "Alice, you know we don't allow anything on cubicle walls." The Boss continues, "It destroys the acoustic absorption of the fabric." Alice covers her ears and shrieks, "OUCH!! My easr! Don't shout!" Alice says to The Boss, "You're right! I've ruined the acoustic absorption." Alice reaches to remove the paper on her wall and says, "It seemed so harmless. I'll remove it immediately." Alice and The Boss stare at eachother. The Boss exits the cubicle and says, "Why is it worse when they agree with me?" Alice covers her ears again and says, "What? Eh?"
Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert sits at a computer and talks on the phone. Dogbert says, "I'll need your serial number, which is conveniently located inside the unit. The man on the other end of the phone says, "The sticker says my warranty will be void if I open the case." DOgbert says, "Well, call me if anything changes."
Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "risk management" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."
The boss satnds in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "I'm off to a meeting about your projext. Is there anything I should know?" Dilbert says, "Yes. You should know how dumb it is to have a meeting about my project without inviting me." The boss walks away and thinks, "Every time I learn something it make me unhappy"
At home, the future Dilbert tells Dilbert: "I know every tragedy that will happen in your future." The future Dilbert suddenly screams: "Here it comes!!!" Watching Dilbert through the window running around in pain outside, the future Dilbert thinks: "I'll never forget the day I spilled hot coffee on my crotch."
With Dilbert's back turned facing his computer, Wally says "I came back early from my fake disability leave." Wally continues, "I missed the camaraderie and the stimulating conversation." Dilbert replies without turning to face Wally, "I didn't know you were gone." Wally replies, "Not bad for a Tuesday."
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit together at a table. Wally says to the Boss, "I've been taking a self-paced online training course to sharpen my saw". The Boss replies, "What's the subject?" Wally answers, "I don't know." Frustrated with Wally's response, the Boss throws both arms in the air and yells, "How could you not know?" Wally answers, "What part of self-paced is confusing you?"
The Boss walks into Wally's office with a notepad. He says, "I'm documenting everything you do so I can easily fire you someday." The Boss continues to stand behind Wally. The Boss says, "Maybe you could call me if you do anything." Wally says, "Leave it here and I'll fill it out for you."
Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "We increased the complexity of your pay slip." Catbert yells, "Now you'll never know when we rip you off! Yeeha! Yeeha!" Dilbert says to Wally, "The only part that really bugs me is the yeehas."