Lazy Imposter Comic Strips - Page 5
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111 Results for Lazy Imposter
View 41 - 50 results for lazy imposter comic strips. Discover the best "Lazy Imposter" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 14,
2018
Virtual Reality
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #days, #virtual, #trained, #hospital, #designer, #bed, #lazy
Transcript
Dilbert: After spending three great days in virtual reality, I accidentally trained myself to hate actual reality. Wally: What if this reality is actually another virtual reality, and you're really in a hospital bed somewhere? Dilbert: What kind of designer would make a reality with you in it? Wally: A lazy one.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday July 24,
2019
Consultant Gets No Help
Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid
Transcript
the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.
Sunday April 12,
2020
Loving Yourself
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love
Transcript
boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!
Tuesday March 03,
2020
Impostor Syndrome
Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #imposter, #syndrome, #manager, #acting, #pretend
Transcript
boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.
Friday March 18,
2011
Tags #laziness, #meetings, #telephones, #returned calls, #tragus, #phone, #research on excuses, #useless, #big difference
Transcript
Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."
Monday July 04,
2011
Tags #interviews, #ignorant and bored, #hired, #awesome tech skills, #management genius
Transcript
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.
Saturday November 03,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #vigilante, #work, #robbbed, #house, #job, #imposter, #boss, #sassoon, #the boss
Transcript
The caption says, "Dilbert the Vigilante." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "When I get home from work, we'll track down the man who robbed our house and make him pay!!" At work, a man with a mohawk haircut, an eyepatch and clothes like Dilbert's sits at Dilbert's desk. Dilbert thinks, "No! It's the robber at my desk. He's stealing my job too!" Dilbert says to the Boss, "He's an impostor. Look at his hair!" The Boss replies, "We thought you'd been in a street fight with Vidal Sassoon."
Thursday November 26,
1992
Tags #beaver, #Dogbert, #shortcuts, #tricks, #work, #daytime, #planner, #organize, #efficiently, #sit, #bad
Transcript
Beaver: When you're a lazy beaver, you try to find shortcuts and tricks to get your work done. I got this daytime planner to organize my day efficiently. But all it does is sit there. Dogbert: Looks like you got a bad one.
Sunday September 18,
1994
Tags #pyramid scam, #marketing breakthrough, #new recruit, #amazingly wealthy, #being your own boss, #one thousand dollars, #the world pays, #money, #scam
Transcript
"Remember, it's not a pyramid scam, it's a marketing breakthrough!" "The beauty of it is a new recruit is born every minute." "Are we guaranteed to become amazingly wealthy?" "While being our own boss?" "Yes, unless you're lazy or ethical." "Each person you recruit pays you one thousand dollars. The recruits get their own recruits and charge them TWO thousand, and so on." "Eventually, every person on Earth will be giving you money. And that adds up." "You can't argue with the math." "I feel like we're a big family." "The best part is that every person on Earth will get rich!" "Actually, the last recruit kinda gets it in the shorts."
Sunday June 09,
1996
Tags #Dogbert, #gullible, #spend money, #gullible freinds, #touch tone phone
Transcript
Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."