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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #practicing, #good, #happens, #arms, #distinctive, #rating, #motion, #dinstinctive

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Dogbert sits on his pillow listening to a radio. He hears Dilbert shout, "Yes!" Dogbert asks, "What happened?" Dilbert replies, "Nothing. I'm just practicing in case something good ever happens to me." Dilbert explains, "I'll yell 'Yes!' and pump my arms in a distinctive way." Dilbert continues, "Now I'm working on incorporating this spinning motion." Dilbert spins around and shouts, "Yes!!" Dilbert falls out the window. Dilbert lies face down in the grass. Dogbert stands over him and says, "It looks like you've got the 'distinctive' part down." Dilbert says, "Yes!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #installing line, #phone line, #connected, #network, #yank wire, #central offcie

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Installing an ISDN line Telephone repairman is sitting next to the phone jack. Repairman says, "First we need to make sure your phone line is connected to our network." Repairmen hands Dilbert a cordless phone. Repairmen says, "I'll yank the wire while you listen for a "whump" sound at the central office." Central office full of pipes. Wires spill out of one of the pipes. Man holding one of the wires is listening to the phone which is off the hook. Over the phone Dilbert is heard. Dilbert says, "I heard something."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1998's comic on:


Tags #blind people, #excellent hearing, #brain compensates, #telekinetic power, #watch televison, #power to watch tv

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The garbage man says, "Blind people often have excellent hearing. The brain compensates for any lost function by bolstering others." Ratbert sits ona trash can, listening. The garbage man says, "In all likelihood, Ratbert, you're so dumb that you have telekinetic power!" Ratbert says, "Wow!" Ratbert walks off and says, "I have the power to watch television!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogebrts tech support, #email, #tech support guy, #classical music, #mister radio

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Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Tech Support guy talking on phone with Dogbert. Tech Support guy says, "I don't know how to use my e-mail." While sitting at his computer, responds, "You need to upgrade your I.Q. a few points. Try listening to classical music." Tech Support guy stares at radio with arms folded and thinks, "My old nemesis, Mister radio, we meet again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #ambiguity, #another situation, #irrational concerns, #headphones, #pretend to listen

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The Boss points at an overhead projection. The Boss says, "That's the plan. Now I will pretend to listen to your irrational concerns." The Boss puts on headphones. The boss says, "Go!" Dilbert and Wally look at the boss who has closed his eyes and leaned back, listening to music. Dilbert says, "This is another situation wear ambiguity would be better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ethical question, #low quality product, #timely fashion, #lie about prodcut, #bugs are fixed, #assistant, #dogbert smacks rat bert

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Dogbert sits on the couch backrest. Dilbert says, "I have an ethical question, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "I'm here to help." Dilbert asks, "Is it better to give customers a low quality product in a timely fashion . . ." Dilbert continues, "Or is it better to lie about product availability until the bugs are fixed?" Dogbert snaps his paw and replies, "I will need my assistant, Ratbert, to address your ethical question." Ratbert stands next to Dogbert on the backrest. Dogbert says, "Let's say Ratbert is a trusting and innocent customer." Dogbert slaps Ratbert on the back and says, "Suppose somebody abuses his trust like this . . ." Ratbert falls between the couch cushions. Dilbert sits with his leg crossed under him and looks at Ratbert. Dilbert asks, "How does this relate to my situation?" Dogbert replies, "To be honest, I wasn't listening to you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #business language, #competetive, #salary increase goodbye, #core business, #lost, #empowered, #unimportant deciosns, #reengineering, #essential, #people person, #canibal, #hire trained people, #market driven, #balme cutsomers, #value employee input, #hour, #important

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Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #voice mail message, #department, #quality thought, #websters dictionary, #african mammel, #aardvark, #shared printer, #spewing resume

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The Boss sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "This voice mail message is for the whole department." The Boss continues, "Every morning from now on you'll get my 'Quality Thought of the Day.'" The Boss continues, "Today's thought is . . . Um . . ." The Boss looks in a desk drawer and continues, "Let's see . . . According to Webster's dictionary . . ." The Boss continues, "Aardvark is a burrowing African mammal that eats ants." The Boss continues, "What if we were more like that?" Dilbert sits at his desk listening to the message. The Boss continues, "I mean like the aardvark, not the ants . . ." Alice looks at her phone. The Boss stands by the printer thinking, "That's weird. Every time I leave my Quality Thought of the Day, the shared printer starts spewing resumes." Dilbert and Wally peek around the corner.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogcart one hour course, #executive mba, #took money, #nothing in retrurn, #case study

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The boss and others are listening to Dogbert who plays the role of a teacher in front of a classroom. Dogbert says: "Welcome to the Dogbert one-hour executive MBA course." Dogbert says while wagging it's tail: "Notice that I took your money and I'm giving you almost nothing in return." Dogbert says: "That was a case study." "We have time for one more."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2000's comic on:


Tags #employees fertilizer, #management, #organism, #plant, #survive and grow, #weasels, #dogbert consults

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Caption reads: "Dogbert Consults." The Boss is leaning back in his chair and listening to Dogbert who is standing on the Boss's desk. Dogbert advises: "Management is like an organism that needs to survive and grow." He continues: "Employees are your fertilizer." The Boss asks: "So I'm like a well-fertilized plant?" Dogbert answers: "No, and sadly, weasels don't need fertilizer."