Lowly Tech Writer Comic Strips - Page 5
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Share April 30, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert: I researched how long your customers will stay on the phone trying to get tech support before giving up. Then I designed an audio menu tree that will take them slightly longer than that to reach your tech support. I've seen your user manuals and I assume that you hate your customers' guts. Boss: It's more of an apathy thing.
Share January 22, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: This is Dogbert's tech support. How many I abuse you? Boss: I think my digital modem is broken. Dogbert: Please hold while I pretend to be testing it. Okay, it looks fine from here. The problem must be in your wiring. You'll have to rip out all of the wiring in your entire house to locate the problem. Boss: Are you sure? Because the lights on the modem aren't even on. Dogbert: That means you have moisture on your internal wiring. You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof. Boss: May I speak with your supervisor? Dogbert: Sure. But he sounds exactly like me.
Share February 12, 2012's comic on:
Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.
Share June 06, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: Your second paragraph is pointless and confusing. Let's just delete it. Tina: I'm a highly trained technical writer. What makes you think you can do my job better? Dilbert: That might be a trick questions, but I'm pretty sure the answer is paragraph two.
Share March 01, 1993's comic on:
A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Hi, I'm Tim Zumph, writer of the famous memo of February third, 1978 . . ." Tim continues, "I remember it so clearly. My boss walked right up and said 'Nice memo, Tim.' And it wasn't even time for my annual performance review." Tim shows them a document and says, "I still keep a copy with me." Wally points at the memo and says, "Typo . . ."
Share November 30, 1994's comic on:
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "I think I know what your problem is . . ." Dogbert continues, "Take all the parts and arrange them in neat piles. Now stand on your chair so you can see above your cubicle wall." A man stands on his chair holding the phone and looking over the cubicle walls. On the other end of the phone Dogbert continues, "Now shout 'Does anybody know how to read a manual?'"
Share December 01, 1994's comic on:
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk using a computer. He says into the phone, "According to my online database, our product isn't compatible with your computer." Dogbert continues, "It's also incompatible with all other computers and all other software including our own." Dogbert continues, "And those red blotches on your hands - that's because our box is made of poison ivy."
Share December 02, 1994's comic on:
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "Please wait while I consult with somebody who has your exact same problem." Ratbert sits in the chair next to Dogbert. Dogbert asks him, "How do you compensate for a tiny brain, Ratbert?" Ratbert answers, "I just say I'm way too busy to learn. Then I get somebody else to do my work." Dilbert says into the phone, "I'm going to transfer you to an expert." Ratbert says, "Sometimes I pretend to be dead."
Share December 03, 1994's comic on:
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "So . . . There are three menu choices and the first two didn't work . . ." Dogbert's continues, "Some people would have recklessly tried the third choice before calling for help. But I can tell you're different." Dogbert continues, "Let's be honest with ourselves, Dave. Do you think anybody is going to read a memo from you?"
Share March 25, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert is in a computer retail store. The salesman points to a computer and explains, ". . . but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly." The salesman continues, "The pre-installed software has only one button. And we press it before it leaves the factory." Dilbert asks, "What does it do?" The salesman waves his hands and says, "Whoa! I'm in over my head. Let me give you their tech support number."